Guest blogger Claire Fisher has kindly agreed to write about last night’s episode of The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Thank you Claire for your great blog! Here it is:
First off, let me begin with saying, I’m honored to be guest blogging on Lynn’s blog! Wow! Thank you so much, Lynn, for this opportunity, and I hope I don‘t disappoint anyone.
But enough about that, let’s get down to business, shall we?
On last night’s episode of Real Housewives: NJ, we learned a lot. But by the end of the show it seems the most important lesson learned was that BravoTV could quite possibly leave us hanging for weeks before this fight actually breaks out! We all know it happened- there are court documents filed and fines issued over what went down that night. And yet, here we sit, frothing at the mouth and horrified that the next new episode will not air until Monday, July 12, 2010! Bravo has decided to take the holiday off and leave its rabid fans waiting. Tsk, tsk.
So, as long as we are hanging in limbo, we might as well use this time to revisit last night’s histrionics – I use that word because I’m pretty sure that is what Danielle is afflicted with, but we will get to that later.
As the show opens, we see Caroline having lunch with 2 of her sisters. 2 of her 10 (count ‘em) 10 brothers and sisters! Seems Caroline is # 6 in the birth order, while Dina the dearly departed is #11. I find it surprising that Caroline is #6. With the amount of time she spends telling others what to say, how to behave, etc, I would think she was a lot higher up in the birth order. Then again, she may be that bossy because she has 5 older siblings that were always bossing her around. Now that she’s older, she needs to feel like the one in control. But I’m not going to pick on Caroline today. Most of the time, she does the right thing. She stays out of the mess and tells others they would do well to do the same. And clearly, she is going through a rough time in her life.
Caroline is suffering from Empty Nest Syndrome. Even while her 3 children still live in her house, they are at the age when they are just not home at all. To hear her tell it, the kids are up and out the door in the morning before she even gets to talk to them, and it’s hurting her like we’ve never seen her hurt before. They are young adults, out living their lives and Caroline is home by herself, unhappy. When she asks her husband to stay for 5 minutes before he runs off to The Brownstone for the day, he mocks her. I don’t know what it is about this family, but they don’t give each other a break very often. I was shocked when Albert answered her plea for his time with “What, you feeling sorry for yourself?”. How terribly unkind.
When the drama shakes out later in the show, Caroline, it turns out, does have her alone time with her husband. While the drama is erupting at the fashion show, Caroline and Albert are having a nice dinner together, somewhere else.
Speaking of drama, let’s revisit how we got to that point. We saw Teresa and Jackie waiting for Kim D for lunch. When Kim D arrives she tells them of the fashion show she is going to have and invites them both, and they seem excited, until Kim D tells them Danielle will probably be there. At this point, Teresa wants to know if she can trust Kim D. After all, if Kim D is talking smack about Danielle with her and Jacqueline, how can Teresa be sure she doesn’t just go back to Danielle and tell her everything they talked about. Kim D answers her with “We are just acquaintances at this point, you don’t have to worry about trusting me right now.” Really? With lunatic Danielle on the loose with her temper flaring like a volcano? I think I would want to know for sure I could trust someone before I sit with them and tear a person down that is known for having violent temper tantrums. Is it just me?
Now, in the interview footage, Jacqueline says she knows nothing positive can come from being in the same room as Danielle. She’s not sure she wants to go. When Jacqueline and Teresa are left alone after Kim D leaves, they debate attending the event. Jacqueline is clearly not sure, while Teresa’s eyes are glazed over in the wonderment of stirring the pot. Teresa is just as big a drama whore as Danielle – and she made that crystal clear last night. If she had not gone out in the lobby to “say hi” to Danielle, the melee that ensued would have never occurred. Yes, Teresa started that whole thing. The blame should lie with her. Yes, Teresa “I’m a nice person” Guidice started the whole, ugly row.
Danielle claims that she got something like 16 texts messages about the fashion show and the fact that Kim D also invited the Manzo ladies. And this sets her off! She goes to Posche where she gets in the face of the New Chick at the counter. Apparently, Kim D did not clear the new employee with Danielle. Nor did she have Danielle train her in phone etiquette – does anyone see the irony in this given Danielle’s behavior at the fashion show? In the midst of her melt down, Danielle’s phone rings and she steps outside to answer it. Sad thing is, it’s her youngest daughter calling, Once again, Danielle does not hold back in dumping bad adult behavior on her daughter, telling her she’s dealing with a “situation”. I just can’t figure her out. Why would you tell any of this to your daughter? Is it just me?
Anyway, turns out Kim D was just out paying her water bill, that’s why New Chick was at the counter. Danielle seems to think this is all staged to upset her. Kim D invites the Manzo’s to the fashion show and then she has the nerve to leave her shop to pay a bill. Oh, the nerve! Yes, this is sounding more and more like Histrionic Personality Disorder.
Danielle’s answer to this is that she values Kim D’s “friendship” too much to come back into the shop and spend her money. Mind you, this is a friendship that Kim D claims does not exist. According to her, this is a business relationship only. And by the way, what money is Danielle actually spending in her shop? Supposedly its money she will miss, to hear Danielle tell it. Aren’t all of her purchases put “on account”?
The winner in this fight? Kim D. Furthermore, in the war between the two Kim’s, I think the way she handled things last night secured the majority of the “I hate Danielle Staub” crowd to her side of this war. Not only did she ask Danielle if she could ever “lighten up”, but she told her if she felt compelled to leave her shop, she should do so – NOW – essentially throwing her out! Go Kim D! And further still, she invited Jacqueline’s daughter, Ashley, to model in the fashion show- again without consulting Danielle. Danielle, who has a daughter that is now a “professional model”, which is how Danielle justifies her daughter not being asked to model. Clearly, Kim D did not want “professional models”. Sure, that’s it. It has nothing to do with Kim D not wanting to deal with Christine’s psycho mother.
Ultimately, Danielle contacts Kim D to make amends. Seems she want no negative energy in her life and wants to move on in their friendship. Yeah, the non-existent, business relationship, friendship. Huh?
Jacqueline was apparently so concerned about attending the fashion show – especially now that Ashley is going to be at the event modeling- that her and Teresa sit down with Caroline to get her advice. Caroline, of course, will not be attending, but she tells Jacqueline something I didn’t expect. According to Caroline, Jacqueline cannot stop living her life and skip going to social events for friends, just because Danielle will also be there. Teresa, it is obvious, is overjoyed to get Caroline’s blessing on attending. You can see it in her eyes, she just wants to get there and poke at Danielle. She can’t wait to start trouble. And while I think Jacqueline’s decision to attend had more to so with babysitting Ashley, she agrees they will go.
And before we know it- after almost an hour of convoluted drama- the time has arrived. Ashley has had her face all made up pretty and it’s time to start the show. Except Danielle is not there yet. Kim D is mad at her friend for holding up the event by coming late- but why would you hold up and event like that just because one person isn’t there? So, finally Danielle arrives (with a body guard, btw) and the show is under way, for everyone except Danielle. She has decided, after seeing that Jacqueline and Teresa are seated with Kim D at her table, strategically placed right across the room from her table that she is going to pull out her cell phone and act like she’s busy. It’s her way of snubbing Kim D, the way she snubbed her by sitting with her enemies. Apparently, Paris Hilton taught Danielle this move. Hmm…is it just a coincidence that Danielle now had a stomach-turning sex tape on the market? Is that another thing Paris H. taught her?
Kim G is not happy with Danielle’s behavior. She tries to talk her into putting her phone down and paying attention like everyone else. Danielle declines, and the show continues without her support. To tell you the truth, I don’t think Kim D even noticed her and her poor behavior. She was too busy watching the dollar signs in Teresa’s eyes as she proclaimed “I want that”, “I love that”, following every look that appeared before her. And before you know it, the last of the models have walked their walk and the show is over. Now all that’s left is the after-party.
Danielle immediately explains to the rest of her table how this whole thing was set up just to hurt her. How she was called a “whoooooerrr“ in front of her daughters. How she had a table thrown at her by the evil woman (pronounced women, with her apparent speech problem) in the chinchilla wrap. And on and on until all of them are seemingly horrified, by the outburst of the stranger at their table.
While this is going on, Teresa decides she wants to go say hi to Danielle and that the best way to do this is to ambush her in the lobby. Can you smell that? It’s the pot that Teresa has been stirring, over and over again in her mind, building up to this very moment. Jacqueline realizes that she has lost track of both Teresa and Ashley and since Danielle is getting up to leave, this has to be a bad thing. And it would seem just in time.
Jacqueline wanders out and finds Teresa sitting in the lobby awaiting Danielle’s exit and cautions her on this. What could she possibly have to gain by confronting her? Nothing good, that is for sure. Before you know it, there is Danielle, walking right by both of them. And it could have been left at that. A quiet exit, an event with confrontation. But no. That’s not good enough for Teresa. She has to start WWIII! Under the guise of being a “nice person” of course. She’s only concerned for Danielle and wants to know how things are going for her. So, when Teresa says hi to her, and Danielle doesn’t reply, but merely stares at her, it takes very little for her to pull out the B-Word. And with that, it’s over. End scene. Just like that. No, the promised drama did not take place last night. We have to wait 2 more weeks!
We see quick flashes of next week’s screaming and hair pulling. We see Danielle crying that she wants to go home. Kim G screams at every person she can get her hands on to “calm down” – at the top of her lungs. How is that calming?
I know there are things I left out – just because of sheer overwhelming b.s. to keep up with. At one point Danielle calls Ashley a “coke whore”. Wow! Living in glass houses much, Danielle? Ashley has to take some blame for the row – she is the one that waved at Danielle from across the room. And so many other things, I couldn’t possibly keep up with it all.
This is exhausting. But fun. How does Lynn do this after every episode? How does she dig through all of this mania and have it turned around and sorted out in a nice little blog so quickly? She just has a talent that most of us don’t posses. So, I’ve done my best to make some organized sense of the mayhem. Hopefully most of you made it all the way through my words without giving up.
Anyway, I would like to thank Lynn again for giving me this chance. Hopefully nobody is too terribly disappointed. Ciao for now.
Lynn: Thank you Claire for a great blog!
Until Next Time….