I Hate Jill Zarin RHONJ Reunion Part 1 August 31, 2010
Well we had a full night of the Jersey girls last night and it wasn’t a pretty sight, I’m still working on my blog but until then, we have a guest blog from @Bdonahueweedman who seemed to be just as infuriated with the show as I was, enjoy:
First of all, The Borgata Hotel is THE SHIT. Whatever happens to these broads I guarantee you they’ve got a nice-ass room to cry in. I’ve done comedy shows at the Comedy Club they have there and never wanted to leave. They are in an ugly, gaudy ass room doing this interview, but the Bravo Gaudy Kit seems to follow them wherever they go: Gaudy Chandeliers, gaudy Curtains, couches, pillows. But the hotel rooms? http://www.theborgata.com/Main.cfm?Category_1=2000&Category_2=2100&Category_3=2120 They have THE BEST FUCKING SHEETS ON THE PLANET. But if you try to steal them your luggage gets charged an extra $98 bucks at the airport, but I say it’s worth it. Of course I don’t know that personally, I read it in a magazine.
Andy has on more make-up than Prince Poppycock. Jacqueline…..Looks beautiful, but what time are you going to bust out into “I Will Survive”? Good Lord THAT’S the dress you picked?
Whatever stylist told Caroline that the Tarzan look is flattering on her, even with the weight loss, not only needs to be fired, they really need to be killed. UNLESS they are doing it as a joke, in which case they need to be Knighted. Sorry Caroline Lovers. Not a fan. Sick of that one. Just because she’s the oldest and we like her husband and her kitchen doesn’t mean she’s not a bitch.
I LOVE that Teresa thinks “Jersey Shore” makes the town look bad. Teresa makes Snooki look like Miss Manners –straddling your Oompa Loompa fatty husband on your Anniversary you bag. AND THE FIRST DIG OF THE NIGHT GOES TO T-BAG! SURPRISE!! (“Danielle would know about sleeping on the first date…Steve…in front of her kids…blah blah blah….”). This is one of about 18 PILLION reasons why Teresa JewDice-Clay is such a Skuzz. Ya know, these shows take off on their own, they really do. Did we need that? Can we not just let it build on its own? God I hate this bitch. Everything she is trying to achieve is backfiring. NOBODY. EVERY PERSON watching this show just rolled their eyes and went “Oh for Fuck’s sake”. Thank you Andy, for making what I’m sure, is one of a gabillion attempts to shut this bitch the fuck UP. Cut to clips of whaddaya know, T-Bag showing Joe her, Ready? CLEVE-LEDGE. Swear To g. Rewind it. Cleveledge. All the other wives looking on adoringly at how cute she is. God this whole crew makes me want to puke. I can’t wait til the Manzo Mafia Pigs get wise to the JewDice-Clay’s and take them for a tour of the deep end. Can’t WAIT for that.
A FEW of the ten thousand million mispronunciations, and of course Teresa “We’re allowed to have our own language.” Of course you are. Can’t wait til your kids try to find a JOB. Good Lord what am I saying. Okay now all the babies. Poor kids. Ok who fed Jacqueline 9 cases of Red Bull and Crack before the taping? Forced anger looks awful on her. Starting to not like her anymore. I liked “If you can’t say something nice’ Jacqueline much better.
Okay…THE DINA QUESTION……AND HERE COMES Caroline with her giant sweeping DO NOT SPEAK OF MY SISTER statements, guess what Tuna Breath, she didn’t…ANDY BROUGH IT UP, AND SO DID JAQUELINE. DANIELLE IS JUST ANSWERING. God these Manzos wear my ass out. Now Jacqueline with the “Piece of Garbage”. God this is Sooooooo stupid. These Reunion shows would be SO much better with a slow build. I’m tellin you guys, I really, really really think that Danielle is not the biggest pain in the ass on this show. I’m just sayin. And tuck yer bra in Jacqueline. Dress is too fuckin tight. Oh GOD back to “Not saying Congrats on the BABIES”??!! These women are INSANE!!!!! They all call her garbage and expect her to call them and congratulate them on their babies? Like they’re gonna all say “Hey! Hi Danielle! Great to hear from you! Thanks so much!” I’m tellin ya. These four are looking worse and worse every single minute. And here we go! T-Bag desperately tries to re-create her table-flipping scene from last year so it can be re-run 68 million times, but no such luck sister. This time you just look sick. Danielle is the sanest one tonight so far. By the way Teresa, that broad floral print on that dress doesn’t help that giant ass much. You put a doily on each arm you look like a sleeper sofa. Re watch that swagger back to the couch…YOWza! Someone fixed Jacqueline’s bra thank G. Ok, Teresa Meltdown Number one and…CUT!
Andy gives his “Don’t Get Off The Couch” Speech that you give to a four year old, as Jacqueline brushes her hair with her fingers…awesome. I love how the Hair Stylists are everybody’s individual cheering sections. Nothin like a pack of gay men to cover you when you have a deranged Italian psychopath after you. Caroline giving Teresa the “She wanted that moment Teresa..and you gave it to her.” No, I don’t think she did Manzo. I really don’t think she did. I think she’s about sick of all you crazy bitches, just like we are. At least Caroline had the brains to admit “I’ve never seen this person” to T-Bag. Guess what Manzo? We see this Teresa A LOT. We don’t see the Teresa YOU seem to know and love. The Teresa WE see IS an animal. You said “If you were THAT person I wouldn’t be your friend.” How much more do you need Caroline? Did the Country Club brawl not do it for you? We know the table flipping didn’t. How about tonight?. Three strikes and you’re out maybe? Teresa is all giggly that Andy is telling her how strong she is. This whole thing is so fucked up. Why isn’t Andy pressing charges? Come on, Andy? PLEEAASEE????
God I don’t believe this. Jacqueline is raggin at Danielle for not going to more than one of her fertility appointments with her. Ladies, I am officially FLIPPING right here as you read this. I officially cannot stand the Manzos. I used to be able to stomach Jacqueline but not after this. I just can’t believe how aggressive she is being.
The Ham Game. Hilarious. Yawn. Caroline wants Albert to stay home and play with her. Yawn. Get a dog.. I’m so sick of her smiling/crying thing. Danielle genuinely feels for her, you can SEE it!!
God Jacqueline AGAIN to Danielle ‘DO YOU KNOW YOUR CHILDREN CRY AT SCHOOL EVERY DAY?” What is WITH her????
Oh God, If we’re going in chronological order, Andy you spineless fuck, you aren’t going to call her out on the ATV with no helmet’s? You even showed THE CLIP right before the little sissy dance around the big “money” question which she has now had weeks to rehearse. Teresa once again reminds us that the children have ‘no clue’ how much those birthday parties cost. They don’t cost SHIT people. It’s called TRADE. We give you an ASSLOAD of advertising (that’s why they show you the NAME of the limo company and the NAME of the little baby beauty shop) and you give us a FREE PARTY!!
Million Dollar question: “Are you in Foreclosure?” Andy pussed out and didn’t nail her for saying ‘UNDER foreclosure’ 88 million times (I guess that’s part of her ‘own language’) and she said, with a straight face, “as long as I have my husband and my daughters that’s all that matters. Diet 7-Up spittake across the room. HOW many times did they have to re-shoot THAT??? And my favorite “Gia doesn’t love materialistic things…she loves me and Joe”. Yeah, and Andy Cohen watches ESPN. and the Grand Finale” “This whole thing has brought us even closer together.” Choke, choke. Then Andy asks her about the pictures of her shit being auctioned off on the website and she says “I don’t read negative things about me out there.” YOU HAD TO HAVE A PHOTOGRAPHER IN YOUR HOME TAKING PICTURES OF IT YOU IDIOT. DID YOU NOT SEE HIM?” Plus you don’t READ a picture you dumb cunt.
I REALLY CAN’T BELIEVE THAT THEY ARE STILL TRYING TO SELL US ON THIS “Joe was just SHOOKEN UP (doesn’t anyone tell this woman how to talk?) so he had some shots.” Nobody gets “shooken up” after an accident like that. You call the cops and you call your wife to come and get you and you hit your knees and thank GOD you’re alive. What a load of bullshit.
Is Danielle a Victim or a Villain? Oh look at Caroline shaking her head in disgust. She’s a pig. I hate her. (They shouldn’t even have Dina in these clips if they don’t want to be talking about her.) All she says Is “I know what I am. I know who I am. I have a happy home. I look in the mirror and I like what I see. DO NOT SPEAK OF MY SISTER!” Everything she says is such a fucking proclamation. Sick of her. Yeah, I know you all want her to be your Mommy and your Aunt but just TRY to watch next week from my point of view. Just TRY. Maybe??
Why is Jacqueline so happy that Danielle has a sex tape out that she can’t afford to get pulled off the market? These women look silly, and hateful. Caroline’s face is so obnoxious. I’m telling you guys, I don’t know what Lynn is writing, cause we’re both up half the night writing these blogs at the same time, but it wouldn’t surprise me one bit if she’s feeling the same way I am. That the tides have turned. Danielle was more poised and relaxed then I have ever seen her, and the other three were obnoxious, eye-rolling, (LOTS of eye-rolling), hateful, name calling bitches. And it’s just gonna get worse next week when Kim G comes on. I said last year I am SO SICK of the 4 on 1 mentality. It’s NO FUN. It’s uncomfortable to watch. Danielle needs a buddy!! I do not like this Manzo Mafia Dog Pile week after week! And I REALLY don’t like the joy and delight these women get out of causing this woman (even though she is crazy) so much pain! I am sorry this wasn’t funnier kids, but there wasn’t a lot to laugh at tonight. It was just ….BAD. I may bow out of next week if it’s just more of the same; I don’t know how many times I can keep saying the same thing, and Lynn is more than equipped and much more diplomatic than I am.
(by the way, I am tired of talking cereal and I want some of those Reeboks that make your butt tighter)
So we end up with the big Brownstone re-hash, and previews of next week that look like more of the same…bash Danielle bash Danielle bash Danielle, and I’m not saying she doesn’t deserve it but you need more than one person to fight back with these chicks!! Lynn, like I said I am SURE you’ve got this covered. I had hoped this was gonna be a funny blog but it was just boring like the show. Thanks for inviting me Lynn….I am anxious as hell to see what you have to say!! LV U! @bdonahueweedman
Until Next Time……