I Hate Jill Zarin Guest Blog – QuincyIL
So Caroline So Patti So Icky…
Patti Stanger and the Manzo Clan
Patti is in NYC! She has a new office and a new clientele which includes Caroline Manzo, married mother of three. Bravo shows us a clip of Caroline and Danielle. Caroline’s quote is “When I called you garbage, I meant you were garbage.” Danielle’s mug is shown at the end of the clip.
Patti Stanger is from Newark, N.J, and has lived in Queens as did Caroline Laurita Manzo. Caroline explains that Albie and Chris live at home. Albie is just back from school. If Patti fixes up Caroline’s boys, she wants the secret of Caroline’s sauce.
“Done,” is Caroline’s response. (I know her secret…any jar from the super market.)
Patti and her crew discuss the boys. Albie is an overachiever, cute, and Prince Charming.
He is the marketing manager for the Brownstone and other Manzo businesses. Albie is shown calling up web site designers and making sure the sites are running. He is afraid of fame whores and has had bad experiences because his mother is on television on Mon. nights. Patti is worried that Albie is too guarded. She says “a man’s penis has to go up.” She looking for a family oriented girl that is acceptable to Caroline. Albie tells us that his parents have told him to get rid of a girl in the past and he did get rid of her.
Chris, we are told is 20. He later tells us that he is 21. He is the banquet manager at the Brownstone setting up for weddings and company events. He works 6 days a week for 12 to 14 hours a day with Wed. off.
Patti admits that the Manzo boys are not millionaires. She calls them: MIT, Millionaires in Training. This is a violation of her rules in that the women are expecting to meet real millionaires who are looking for relationships. Patti admits that she is teaching Chris how to date, but the women don’t know this. Patti wears a shiny pink top and white short shorts explains everything to her male driver on the way to meet the Manzos. He listens and smiles because he is on camera.
We go to the famous Manzo kitchen in Franklin Lakes, NJ., to discuss sex with the mother and sons. They agree that the girl should like Christmas trees and that Chris’s girl should be a “spinner.” Caroline’s eyebrows hit her widow’s peak. The boys are told the rule that there is no sex until the relationship is monogamous. Patti is going to find the boys “good girls.”
For the first time, Patti will trick her girls telling them that they will be waiting at a luncheon in the Brownstone. for millionaires while the Manzos interview them in secret with Mom and Loren monitoring the web can. 3 women are invited for each young man after extensive interviews.
Patti makes a religious joke. “Mother Mary please save me. Wait, I’m Jewish.”
She also engages in the pinky square. (Michael Salahi and Cat at Polo Event.)
The interview of possible women for the date begins in NYC. Niccole is a grad of U of Delaware. She is told to get a sexy black dress and Crest strips. Renee, an overweight pilates instructor is accused of eating her class. Viola, a Mexican spitfire, is told to have her makeup and hair done professionally. Another Nicole, is just not happening!
Patti talks about NYC women with her badly dressed male assistant. New York women have 4 year college degrees, but few know how to dress in the fashion capital of the world. They don’t have breast implants, lip fillers, manicured nails, waxed everything or bleached hair. Patti says the women will end up alone in a nursing home in S. Jersey if they don’t improve.
The New Jesery English teacher who is Jewish, Nickki. tells Patti that she had stockings at Christmas because her parents didn’t want her to feel bad.” (adverb alert)
Albie meets with Patti and a dating therapist to explain to Albie that women will point their toes towards you if they are attracted.
At the mixer, the girls are seated at a table and lied to by Patti. The millionaires are supposedly caught in traffic so Albie and Chris will warm them up with questions like “How man children do you want.” Albie asked the women at 11 AM if they would like something to drink and the spitfire/Latina with her breasts on the plate asks for tequila. Albie and Momma Manzo immediately fire this girl.
Caroline is leaning into the television screen with furrowed eyebrows watching every move of the girls. Loren is there monitoring the event so she can do this when she has children. At one point, Caroline sternly says to Albie, “ Listen to Mommy. You have your guard up. Let it down.” The observers of the secret camera clap and say, “Albie, Albie, Albie.” (It just reminded me of the Coliseum and young Christian virgins being eaten by lions.)
Two girls are chosen for dates. Chris immediately picks out Rachel from the South who is a fashion intern for the summer. Albi picks Nikki, the Jewish English teacher from Edison.
Chris takes Rachel to a Medieval Castle, forces her to dress in a itchy, smelly, heavy costume and eat meat with her fingers while watching men joust on horseback and sword fight. He does take her to a nicer place with forks for dessert, but when dessert is over he tells her the date is over because he has to go back to NJ for work tomorrow. That is the end of their relationship.
Albie takes Nikki on a cruise in NYC on a boat alone and she shows interest with playful nudges. The date goes well and they do see each other again.
We see more cattle calls/ interviews of women in Patti’s NYC office. One girl is dressed like a Mexican fiesta, some are too fat. No one is good enough for Patti.
The brothers return to Patti’s office for a follow up in matching vertical stripped shirts, one red and one blue probably chosen by Caroline. Chris is shocked to learn that a girl might not like the Medieval Dinner and states that she was really into the meat. Albie gets compliments for his first date choice.
Next week Patti wears short shorts again and we get to see the 50 year old tell her employees to “bring girls to me or I will fire your ass.”
Great job Quincy, thank you for taking the bullet and watching this for all of us…..
Until Next Time..