I Hate Jill Zarin The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and The Art of War – A Guest Blog
Quincy IL’s fascinating take on the Dinner Party War hosted by Camille Grammer:
The Art of War
The Battle of Malibu
A few weeks ago, Camille Grammer put down her book and the camera pans at the title: “The Art of War” a Chinese military treatise thought to be written by Sun Tzu in the 6th Century BC. This manual for warfare is used by the military today as well as top business schools as it lays the plans for achieving goals set our by nations and corporations. The following is an attempt to take the Malibu Dinner Party into the War Room and assess the damage that has been done to the friendships of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills using the principles found in “The Art of War.”
Laying the Plans of War
Camille speaks to her friend and hairdresser De De about a dinner party that she has planned for the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. She tells De De that Taylor seems genuine and shrugs her shoulders. De De suggests that she is surprised that Camille wants to invite the ladies, but adds that Camille can control the situation a little bit more in her home. Camille laughs. De De wants to meet the ladies, but she has already told us that Kyle is “pathetic” so her openness seems to be a sea change. At a luncheon with Taylor, Camille discusses the dinner party and mentions that one of her guests will be a medium, Allison Dubois. Allison will be a guest at the party and she will not be there to read minds, but she “hits on people.” Camille hopes that Allison will not get drunk because she hits below the belt a little bit. The ladies of BH receive phone invitations and the stage is set. Kyle has an appointment with a friend and asks if that friend might come. Camille seems to welcome the guest. The guest is Faye Resnick. Bravo does not let us know that Camille knows who this guest is at this time. We learn of her identity when Kyle’s hairdresser, Pamela comes to the Kyle’s home. We learn that Faye Resnick, a close friend of murder victim Nicole Brown Simpson is Kyle’s best friend and confidant.
The Plans of Attack
Camille, De De and Allison are drinking on an outside patio at Grammer Manor. Allison states that she waited until she got to the party for a cocktail. Camille states, “I got your text to be prepared.” Allison lifts her glass and says, “Here’s to new friends.” De De says, “To new friends.” Camille smiles and says, “New friends who are already out the door.” They all laugh. Allison touches De De on the arm quietly. (We see that they have shared information that they are not sharing with us.)
Two stretch limos take five Real Housewives of Beverly Hill and one guest to the Malibu mansion belonging to Camille and Kelsey Grammer. Kyle tells the ladies that she does not want any problem or drama. Faye says, “If she is mean to you, I’m obviously not going to watch her…..” Kim rolls her eyes. Lisa, Taylor, and Adrienne arrive to meet Camille, De De and a medium, Allison, on an outdoor patio. The ladies are introduced to each other. De De tells everyone that Allison is a medium and the television show Medium is based on her. None of the women seem to know of this show or of Allison, but everyone is pleasant. Allison, the medium did not receive a memo with the dress code as the ladies are in cocktail attire and she is in tan slacks, a top and an old sweater. (She must have missed those vibes.) Allison makes a statement that she helps solve serial murders and the ladies are impressed. Allison wants them to know that it is a real job. Lisa says, “Oh, really, gosh, I must watch it (referring to the television show.) Kyle, Faye and Kim arrive and false kisses follow. Camille greets Faye, leans over a small table, turns and gives a look that could kill to the camera.
The ladies go into the house for more cocktails. Allison tells Adrienne that “I hope they bring a pitcher for us, we are having a girl’s night.” Adrienne looks down at Allison’s almost empty glass. Both Lisa and Adrienne tell us how strong and unusually large the drinks are.
The ladies go to the dining room and Camille takes the head of the table with her two close friends on her right and left flanks. Kyle says, “Let’s chat, love and have fun.”
Camille and her two friends click drinks together. Allison is next to Adrienne. She announces” I am still young so when Sat. gets here, I’m like, “Yeah,” what are we going to do?” Adrienne looks confused. Allison continues, “It’s a girl’s night. We are not supposed to be good. We are supposed to be really bad. She holds her drink up in a toasting position. Camille laughs with a gasp of air. Kyle scowls and takes a drink. Adrienne tells us that she thinks the medium is strange, but that is expected for someone who talks to dead people. Allison says, “The love they (the dead) have is stronger than anything we can imagine.”
Weak Points/Strong Points
Allison compliments the ladies by telling them that they are alpha females, “intelligent and pretty.” There is silence. Then Adrienne makes a toast to alpha females. Everyone laughs.
Camille asks Kyle, “How do you know Faye? Who is Faye? I don’t know who Faye is?”
Kyle tells Camille that Faye is a family friend, like a sister. Camille puts her index finger in the air to point and says, “I saw her naked in “Playboy” that’s how I know Faye.” Kim in an interview mocks Camille for pretending that she just opened the pages last week. Camille continues, “She posed naked in “Playboy” after the OJ trial pointing her index finger again for emphasis. In an interview, Lisa questions if this is calculated. She tells us that she would not say that to a guest. Camille adds, “I thought you looked amazing.” Camille waves her finger while speaking again. In an interview, Camille pretends that she did not recognize Faye because of Faye’s hair extensions and blown up fake lips. “It’s Faye Resnick, the morally corrupt Faye Resnick,” Camille continues, “I loved your spread.” De De adds off camera, “Literally.” Everyone laughs. Faye states that she didn’t spread. Kyle asks Camille if she did “Playboy.” Camille is taken aback and says that she did a supplement and that is how she met Kelsey. She did lingerie, not pose naked. In an interview, Camille’s defends her “Playboy” photos as a youthful indiscretion. Kyle tells us that people who live in glass houses should not throw rocks and Camille threw a boulder.
Camille reminds everyone that Allison is “off the clock” and is a guest at the party. Lisa tells us in an interview that people always ask the doctor for advice at a party. Kyle says to Faye, “She’s off the clock, maybe I should have brought my credit card.” They laugh. Camille tells everyone that readings are best in private and one on one because personal stuff comes up and adds “If someone’s husband is cheating……” Allison lifts her glass for a toast and smiles. We hear laughter, but it is not coming from Kyle. Allison smiles and appears to be the aggressor. Kyle asks if Allison can say something not scary. With a smile, Allison says that it might be irritating to you. Camille has an almost blank expression as she waits for Allison to continue. Finally, Camille tells Allison, “Just say it, she’s fine.” Allison pounces, “have you been married twice?” Kyle says, “Yes.” Allison seems somewhat surprised because she was going to tell Kyle that she would have two marriages. Allison then embellishes and says that Kyle’s husband may leave. Kyle replies, “If my husband ever leaves, I am going with him.” The table reacts with shock at these statements by Allison. There is dead silence. Kim thinks that Kyle will jump across the table, but she Kyle just turns away and is upset. Allison is smiling and she announces, “People don’t see, then it’s, Oh my God,” She sits back in her chair and smiles while staring at a distraught Kyle. Camille tells us in an interview that Kyle pushed Allison who had had a few drinks. “I begged her (Kyle) not to go there.” Bravo never shows us Camille’s begging
Allison tells Kyle that Kyle is more comfortable with men and that she has to make friends with females. We hear voices disagreeing with that. Camille says that she is more comfortable with men and defensive with catty women. Kyle shares that this might have been part of the problem in NYC. Kyle repeats that she had no ill intensions. Faye and Allison argue over Allison’s claim that she was not told about the incident in NYC. Allison is seething now. She tells Faye to let Kyle fight her own battles. Faye attacks Allison’s close friendship with Camille. Allison says to Faye, “If Camille needs my help, she will tell me.” (She a medium and she can’t sense this?) Kim whispers welcome to NYC to Adrienne.
Attack by Fire
Kyle feels she has lost the conflict. Her head is down. Faye comments, “There was an attack on my friend.” Faye points to Kyle. Camille cries out, “Wait a second!”
Camille claims that Faye only knows what Kyle told her in Beverly Hills while De De knows what Camille told her in NYC so De De is a more trustworthy source. (Illogical Argument) Allison starts to shout, but Kyle answers, “I am not talking to you, I am talking to Camille.” Allison retorts, “Excuse me, you are boring me.” She turns her head away from Kyle and smiles. Kyle tells Allison that she is “off the clock.” Allison tells the planet that Kyle is washed up. Faye says, “I’m so bored.” Allison says that Faye has two legs the last time we checked and you can walk. (She used Intelligence and spied here. Camille and Allison have implied that they recently saw the “Playboy” spread.)
Kyle to Allison, “You are not interesting to me.” Allison calls back, “You have achieved nothing in your life.” Kyle states that she has four beautiful children and Allison responds with a turn of her head and a drag on an electronic cigarette. Allison is sitting back and smiling. She has a look of contentment on her face. Taylor tells us that the table is a tornado. She asks Adrienne to stop the insanity, but Adrienne is silent. Kim tells Taylor to do it herself and begins to argue with Taylor. Camille now sits back and she looks calm and content. Taylor stands and yells, “Enough, Enough.” She tells them to get up from the table. Camille and her two best friends remain seated and smiling. As Kyle is preparing to leave Camille states, “I don’t have a problem with you Kyle.” Kyle tells Camille that she thought that Kyle said something other than what she said. Allison is indignant. She, the medium who reads thoughts, tells everyone that Kyle can’t read Camille’s thoughts. Kyle responds, “I am not talking to you, Allison.” Allison said that Kyle saves stories and tweaks them. Allison attacks Kyle again, “You are nothing. You have done nothing.” Camille shushes Allison quietly. Allison defiantly comments, “My dad says live life large and make no apologies for who you are. I can tell you when she will die and what will happen to her family. I love that about me.” De De smiles and nods. Camille laughs. Allison suggests sticking her electronic cigarette up Kyle’s ass and Camille laughs. Allison continues, “Bitch is a one syllable word for a reason, it all they understand.” Allison is so vindictive that she would not use her gifts to save one of their children if something happened to one of them.
Moving the Force
The other ladies are in the yard where it is dark. They are upset and confused. The sprinklers turn on and they move as a group (like Keystone cops.) Kim is sent home alone and the other women retreat to Beverly Hills.
“All warfare is based on deception.” This is a quote from “The Art of War.” It is obvious to me that Camille, De De and Allison, the medium shared information before this event took place. The touching of the arm and cryptic sentences are evidence that there were plans discussed. Camille mentions the text message from Allison telling Camille to be prepared. Allison had a plan. She was going to destroy Kyle Richards on national TV as Camille has been destroyed in NYC at dinner. The plan was to get everyone very drunk and to allow Allison to tell Kyle that her marriage was in danger. One problem that they encountered was the lack of intelligence/failure of espionage when they did not know that Kyle was on her second marriage. The plan was to dismiss Kyle’s worth by telling her that she was washed up as an actress and her marriage was a sham. They intentionally attempted to make us believe that Mauricio was having affairs either with a nanny or with other women.
“If your opponent is of choleric temperament, seek to irritate him.” (The Art of War) Kyle certainly has a temper and will respond to taunts. By attacking Faye, Kyle’s dearest friend, Kyle’s marriage, and Kyle’s motherhood; Kyle was thrown off guard and Camille, being calm won according to her rules of engagement.
Kyle should remain wary of interaction with Camille Grammer.
On “Watch What is Happening Live,” Camille called into the show with a very specific apology concerning the accusation that Mauricio, Kyle’s husband was unfaithful. She did not apologize for the plans she had made with Allison, the medium, and De De to destroy Kyle Richards the night of her party on national TV. There is always forensic evidence at the scene of a crime and in wars. Camille, Allison and De De won the battle and lost the war in the eyes of a public who paid attention to their words and body language.
Great Job Quincy, Thanks for the wonderful guest blog!
I hope you’ll take a moment to take a look at my blog over on Yahoo, my latest Profile of a Housewife:
Portrait of a Housewife NeNe Leakes @ http://look.ac/fZvbW9
If you click around the site you’ll also find my profiles of Camille Grammer and Lisa Vanderpump.
Real City Housewife posted her hysterical blog on RHOBH:
RCH – The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills – I Decided Which One Is The Most Insane, And It’s Allison Dubois: http://t.co/0Zg7C0G
Really Old Housewife has posted hers as well:
Check out these funny ladies:
And check out Terry Aley’s newest top 10 list not to be missed. I suggested he do a year end top 10 list and he loved the idea so look for that soon! Don’t follow him on Twitter though @RawVeggies has enough followers…I kid I kid!
Dec. 17 – My Top 10 Most Deranged #realhousewives Moments of the Week http://goo.gl/fb/ZJGph
Until Next Time…