I Hate Jill Zarin The Real Housewives Of New York Season Four Episode Two
In our continuing story, I am pleased to present Episode Two of Season Four expertly written by Quincy IL. As we wait for Bravo to air what they have filmed, edited and maybe even manipulated a little bit, Quincy provides us with her version of the activity. Enjoy! LynnNChicago
The Real Housewives of New York City Season Four Episode Two by Quincy, IL
Punch and Judy
A shiny, long, black limousine pulls in front of a Bed, Bath and Beyond somewhere in the Upper East Side of New York City. The exact location of this store is a mystery to the public because Jill Zarin owns an apartment above it and no one is allowed to know the address. The limousine driver appears confused when Jill says, “Go to Manhattan and drive in circles until I say to stop.” The driver follows Jill’s instructions and secretly calls the limousine company dispatcher. She googles, “Jill Zarin,” and finds the 2.916 sites listing her address.
The secret Zarin Apartment building bellman loads the many pieces of the one of kind Louis Vuitton steamer trunks on his carts with care as Jill Zarin watches over him like a hawk. Jill says, “These pieces of very expensive vintage luggage are sooooooooo expensive.” The luggage is precious to Jill. Jill went to 2,437 book signings in order to earn money enough to buy the set. They take the elevator to one of the floors (we are not allowed to know which one) and Jill moves quickly to the door of her beautiful apartment to greet Ginger Zarin, her baby with four legs and a personality disorder. The maid opens the door and Jill is shocked. Bobby quietly whispers, Jill, this is looks like a scene from your favorite TV show, “Hoarders.”” Boxes are everywhere. They can barely squeeze down the mirror lined hallway that has been repainted in a color that Brad, Jill’s ex gay husband and designer, did not pick out. Bobby asks the maid about the boxes. She shrugs her shoulders. The boxes have labels from many companies. There are boxes from liquor companies. There are boxes which have come from designer houses. There is even a box containing Spam. Bobby opens one box and there is a note: “Thank you, Jill Zarin, for tweeting us.” Bobby and Jill look at each other and laugh. These boxes are the fruits of tweeting labors. The maid and the bellman start to lug the boxes to the kitchen. Bobby lugs the designer boxes to Jill’s large walk in closet. Jill immediately begins to tweet her thanks to the companies and designers for the gifts. Jill snaps photos with her phone and tweets them. She is a very thoughtful. Because of the thank you tweets, more boxes will arrive tomorrow morning. This was a wonderful homecoming.
Sonja and Ramona are with members of a film crew who help promote their products at Ramona Upper East Side Apartment. Ramona has her new collection from her husband’s religious jewelry business on the table with the expensive table setting and white flowers in a silver bowl. The new collection has a theme which is totally non religious. There are “the not really gold plated crosses, the not really St. Christopher medals, the not really St. Patrick medals and the not really Star of David broaches.” The doorman rings the apartment and he tells Ramona that Alex McCord would like to visit her. Ramona does not like uninvited guests so she tells the doorman to send Alex up. Sonja would like to discuss her fundraiser with Alex as they work for the same employer who expects them to interact during five months each year. Sonja also enjoys sharing tidbits of her life with Alex as Alex is lives in Brooklyn and not in Manhattan.
Ramona does not appreciate uninvited guests so Ramona would like to give Alex one of the few pieces of her mind that she has left off camera. The members of the film crew begin to film. Ramona’s face gets red and her eyes widen when her blood pressure rises so that you can see the white sclera of her eyeballs. She wants to make sure that Alex knows her place and she intends to not share this discussion with a national audience. After three seasons, Ramona knows that the “Romanacoaster” will be discussed in the casual meeting of New York “friends” required by their employer at the end of each season so she is taking measures to keep this meeting with an uninvited guest off camera. The last meeting with “the uninvited or disinvited Jill Zarin” on that tropical island did not look great on national TV. In the fourth season of “The Real Housewives of New York City,” Ramona’s goal is to look “nice” on the show. The members of the film crew remind Ramona that she is advertising herself and they need to film her interaction with Alex McCord. The door bell rings, but Ramona is arguing with Judy the head of the film crew, so Sonja lets Alex into the hall greeting Alex with two air kisses. New Yorkers do not kiss on the lips like people from Beverly Hills. Sonja then follows Alex into the living room. The cameras begin to film. Ramona demands that the filming stop and orders the camera crew not to film. Judy, the producer, tries to calm Ramona. Suddenly and violently, Ramona punches Judy in the face with a right hook. Everyone is in shock. The camera man continues filming. Sonja tries to get between Ramona and Judy. Ramona pushes Sonja on to the couch. Ramona continues screaming at Judy as she walks over to the table. Ramona flips the table over with one hand smashing all of the expensive dishes, expensive glassware and very reasonably priced non religious jewelry pieces on the very expensive granite tile floor.
Alex tells Ramona that she needs to get control of herself. Ramona is sobbing now. The cameras are filming. Ramona refuses to look into the camera. Ramona curls up on the corner of the couch and uses her right arm to push the cameras away from her face. Alex brings Ramona a cool wet cloth for her flushed face. Sonja sits down next to the sobbing Ramona and tells her that every thing is going to be alright. Alex hugs Ramona. The cameras keep filming. Ramona, Judy and the entire film crew go into the bedroom. The cameraman does not want to miss a bit of this drama. Ramona is sobbing and blowing her nose. That camera catches ever moment. This is real drama. The employers will love it. Ramona calls Mario on her cell phone. Later that evening, Mario’s cell phone is used to call a secret doctor. The doctor returns the call quickly as he works for the same employer and has been expecting Mario’s call.
In Kelly’s apartment, we find Kelly tweeting into cyberspace. Kelly tweets the weather and about a dead pigeon on her balcony. The apartment is dark and quiet as the children are with their nanny at their father’s apartment down stairs. Kelly gets a DM from Jill Zarin, then and looks at “THAT blog.” It seems there are people on “THAT blog” who do not believe that Kelly was a supermodel. Kelly becomes frantic. She tries to scan yellowed photos from her album into the computer, but she can not find the scanned photos in the computer after the scan. Kelly calls her assistant who places photos of Kelly from the 1980s on Kelly’s twitter to quash that rumor immediately. Kelly then goes back to tweeting about her wonderful life alone in New York City. Kelly types, “I am so authentic. I am a supermodel. See, my photos prove this!” The people on the board of “THAT blog” are amazed.
To Be Continued….
Thank you Quincy..I can’t wait to see what happens next!
Until Next Time…