I Hate Jill Zarin The Real Housewives of New York – Season Four
Quincy has outdone herself in this newest episode (based on a true story). Complete with photos! What are the housewives up to in Season Four? Find out here!
Creating An Empire State of Mind
The bed is huge and the bedding has been designed by Jill Zarin, the creator of the Jill Zarin line of bedding available at Bed, Bath and Beyond. Jill is wrapped in off white silk sheets which are a problem at times as the silk lined heavy bedspread slips off the bed and onto the floor. Jill and her husband Bobby have mastered climbing into their bed as they have to hold onto the head board and hope that they too do not slip off and onto the floor. As usual, Jill’s dog Ginger is curled up in the center of Bobby’s pillow. Jill pretend not to notice that or the smell coming from the dog. Jill is holding her Blackberry or “Command Central” as Bobby likes to call it, in her left hand. Jill is sending her early morning tweets as Bobby has already left to enjoy breakfast with his friends.
Jill reads out loud to her sleeping dog, Ginger who wakes up, yawns and then goes back to sleep. Jill shares the glowing words from her own web site and her fabulous Facebook pages. Jill shares that her fans on Twitter rises each day. Ginger snorts and snores away. Jill is an empire builder and a businesswoman. The camera man sitting on a chair in the corner of her bedroom is about to stop filming when Jill slips off the bed and onto the floor. Its not as good as the dog crapping all over Jill’s apartment but, The Employer will love this film.
Simon van Kempen sent email invitations to Jill, Sonja Morgan, Ramona Singer and Kelly Bensimon, he didn’t forget The Countess or “The New Girl” Cindy Barshop. Jill Zarin responded to Simon’s text invitation within minutes with a curt message that she was going out of town. Sonja read the email and thought that she had better things to do than help Alex film a segment for The Employer so she declined Simon’s invitation. The Countess had a special fundraiser to attend that evening and had final fittings scheduled, she will be photographed thousands of times and is glad to use this conflict to politely decline Simon’s invitation.
Ramona hears her Nokia $2,700 top of the line gold edition cell phone ringing. It is notifying her of a new text message. With her daughter Avery’s help, Ramona reads Simon’s invitation. Moments after Simon’s text arrived a second message appeared on Ramona’s phone. Ramona accepted Simon’s invitation but she knew that trouble was on the horizon as the second text message was from Jill Zarin warning her not to attend.
Cindy, “The New Girl”, received the same two text messages an immediately responded positively to Simon followed by a return text to Jill arguing that they have to support each other. Back in her apartment, Jill Zarin deletes all of the offending text messages from disagreeable cast mates but was sure to include this latest offense on the new girl’s list. Like Rain Man Jill Zarin keeps a list of Serious Damages done to her by everyone she knows. She always seems to give more than she gets.
Kelly Bensimon reads Simons email invitation but lost the text from Jill Zarin when she tried to open it on her Blackberry so she did not know the orders from “Command Central”. Not knowing any better, Kelly responds to Simon that she will attend.
Back in Brooklyn, Simon called a skinny friend but she was not fond of the Real Housewives cameras anymore, they had served their purpose and she refused to subject herself to them anymore. Simon could not persuade her to reconsider even with the assurance that Jill Zarin would not be at the event. Simon also keeps a list, but his is in his mind.
Two attractive, single cameramen wait outside on the steps of the Brooklyn Brownstone with the white brick facade in the early morning in October. They have Starbucks coffee and their Blackberry’s in hand. They too are surfing the web and they check out the latest on “THAT blog”. They have been following the online war between the forces of “THAT blog” and Jill Zarin since Jill had a Twitter and Facebook meltdown that was reported online and in the newspapers. The cameramen have become quite fond of some of the contributors of “THAT blog”. There is so much that they would love to share with the wonderful people of “THAT blog” but they cannot share because of their contract with The Employer. The attractive young cameramen look forward to this day with Alex, Simon and the chums. The Van Kempens treat the cameramen with respect. Hopefully, there will be a great interest from The Employer when the film from today is edited in February the night before the show is scheduled to air.
In New York City travel is always a challenge. Traveling with your own film crew for Simon van Kempen and Alex McCord, Bravo Reality Stars, can be a frustrating experience. Alex smiled when Simon mentioned that her birthday was going to be an “Autumn in New York” theme. Alex’s birthday has been filmed for The Employer for several years now, Simon knows that it has to be spectacular. One birthday involved a harrowing ride in a shiny black limousine from Manhattan to Brooklyn with Simon visibly upset over missing the exit to the bridge. Two earrings, two chums and four cupcakes later made the evening the perfect event that Simon always imagined.
Alex never asks what adventure might be in store for her but this year Simon and the chums share a bit with Alex. They would go to an island. The chums giggled and Simon did not notice his wife’s concern. On the beautiful fall morning the family rode in a shiny, long, black limousine to the Battery Park Terminal for a ferry ride to the historic Governor’s Island at the tip of Manhattan. As cameras rolled, the family finally arrived on the island to find that Simon had arranged for a bicycle built for four to be waiting. Growing up in front of the cameras can affect some children but the chums seem to be enjoying their day. They didn’t seem to mind the camera and sound guys who are like friends who happen to film Mommy and Daddy for a reality show.
As the bicycle built for four turns a corner, Alex sees picnic tables set up for a party. Alex is shocked and very happy to find some of her closest friends waiting for her. The guests have fruit punch and eat “pigs in a blanket” which the chums chose for the party menu. This is the kind of birthday that Alex loves. Alex does not know if The Employer will think this is of interest, but she doesn’t care because she is having a wonderful day.
In the distance, Kelly Bensimon and her two daughters are skipping down the path toward Alex’s party. Kelly’s cameramen rush to keep up with the laughing threesome. Kelly and her daughters are dressed in matching white dresses. They look like princesses going to a royal ball. Cindy, “the new girl” is also coming down a path with her seven month old twin daughters in tow, and a friend named Kat helping with the kids. This group is also being followed by a camera crew.
Alex knows that this cannot be a coincidence, the three ladies and their camera crews meet, Alex, Cindy and Kelly absentmindedly give air kisses to each other. The members of the camera crews take turns filming as Simon directs them all to the tables overflowing with food and drinks.
A few yards away Alex notices another party seems to be going on, next to the historic old buildings a large white tent has been erected for the day. Inside Alex can see flowers and many chairs then notices a large wedding cake set up just near the entrance to the tent, she smiles as she imagines that a couple will get married there later today.
Alex is opening her many gifts and holds up beautiful purple lingerie for the cameras, she noticed Kelly and her girls were filming near the large white tent. Was Kelly the one getting married today? Kelly was dressed in all white, in October and she was laughing and twirling her unruly hair while talking with a handsome gentleman. Men are drawn to Kelly Bensimon like moths to a flame. Alex had not seen Kelly in several months, since her breakthrough Alex felt it best to keep her distance and so when they’re not filming, the two do not communicate. Alex did realize that it was too much of a coincidence for three film crews to have met on this island by chance. Simon was busy on his cell phone as usual, so Alex could not ask him if he knew anything about Kelly and the suspicious white tent.
Away from partygoers, Simon was on the phone with Ramona Singer. Ramona and her daughter were scheduled to come to Governor’s Island for Alex’s surprise birthday party, but she was having second thoughts about Jill Zarin’s text messages. Simon knew that Ramona had been upset just days before during filming so he wished her well and as he hung up his cell phone actually felt a sense of relief. No one would get slapped today.
The phone call also enlightened Simon to the fact that Jill Zarin had been sending out commands a few weeks ago to the other cast members, he made mental note to thank Ramona for that. Simon knows that The Employer wants all the cast members to attend events together and Simon always tries to please The Employer. Simon will never understand why Jill Zarin continues to defy The Employer. Simon made a mental note of those cast members who did attend Alex’s special day.
Kelly is now posing for the camera and swishing her dress in the wind like Marilyn Monroe over the steam vent on the city sidewalk. The dress billows up and you can see Kelly’s very white “sqweeze” undies with lace on the bottom, a gift from Jill Zarin.
Alex’s cameramen have abandon her and gone to join the others filming Kelly Bensimon. Kelly sells Kelly. She is the product. Kelly invented the term “Tastemaker”, this is a Kellyism. Hanging around Kelly’s neck are white feathers from very dead doves. This is a piece from her fourth season of RHONY jewelry collection available on line at KellyKillorenBensimon.com. In Kelly’s feeble mind it is all ok, Kelly didn’t hurt the birds, they were already dead when she collected their feathers.
Alex and Simon’s boys have found long sticks and they are in the middle of a sword fight. Alex knows that it is time to take charge of the event since Simon seems to have lost his direction. Alex walks over to Simon and motions for him to get off the phone. Alex asks, “Simon, is Kelly getting married?” Simon laughs and takes his wife’s hand, he falls to one knee and asks Alex for her hand in marriage. Shocked, Alex says, “I thought you might do something like this when we celebrated our tenth anniversary in the spring but I didn’t expect it now” Alex begins to cry and nods in appreciation to her amazing husband.
Alex’s real friends laugh as they all knew Simon’s plan and had kept the secret for weeks. Alex asks Derek, a real friend, to keep an eye on the chums and tells Derek to put an end to the sword fighting before the cameras catch them. Derek walks over to the chums and watches them sword fight. If they draw blood, he will stop them.
In a quaint, small room of the historic building on Governor’s Island, Alex finds her beautiful wedding gown, veil and everything she needs to prepare for her vow renewal/wedding day. Simon thought of everything. But it is Simon who is the true peacock in the family, as he changes into his wedding garments.
The couple meet in the tent in front of family, friends and cast mates as cameras flash and filming continues, they promise to be loving , faithful and kind to each other for the rest of their lives. This is the perfect event that Simon had always imagined it would be. The Employer will surely want to include this footage in the Fourth Season of The Real Housewives of New York. The chums saved pieces of the sticks and they will resume their sword fight after they’ve eaten their slices of wedding cake.
Outstanding Job Quincy!!!
Come back tomorrow for Episode 5 of the continuing story…
Until Next Time….