I Hate Jill Zarin The Real Housewives of New York – Season Four
Please enjoy our continuing story of our version of the new season of The Real Housewives of New York…based on a true story…
The Best Laid Plans by Quincy and LynnNChicago
Jill Zarin felt that she is the center of a fabulous group of people. As the leader and focus of the “Real Housewives of New York City,” Jill planned to have a big party celebrating the new season at her rented mansion in the Hamptons. All of “the Real Housewives of New York City” were invited. Alex and Simon would attend because Jill’s attempts at getting them fired were unsuccessful, this time. Ramona and Mario who had recently renewed their wedding vows had agreed to attend. Luann would be bringing her new French boyfriend and Kelly would arrive solo. Jill assumed both Sonja and the new girl Cindy would also come without dates but Cindy’s RSVP included a guest. Jill didn’t like surprises.
Bethenny Frankel, received a beautiful invitation designed by Jill Zarin and a commercial artist who was hired for this specific task. Jill was anxious to see not only Bethenny but she had to make things right with Jason. Jill learned at last year’s reunion that Jason didn’t like her. Jill could not live with that. Most important Jill desperately needed to post on her Facebook page that she had finally met little Bryn Hoppy, she would Tweet it while holding the little baby. Jill would make sure the photographer got a picture of her with baby Bryn. It would be splashed all over the internet within minutes. Bethenny just had to come with her new family!
Everyone would be there! It would be the Hamptons bash of the year but Bethenny Frankel’s assistant sent an email and the news was not good. Jill’s tantrum was one of the worst that her husband Bobby had seen in a long time. She had a lot of these tantrums during last seasons’ filming but he hadn’t seen her break down this way in several months. Bobby was at a loss so he tried to comfort her, he told her to focus on the people who will be coming and forget about Bethenny Frankel. Jill just sobbed harder.
Jill Zarin was visibly upset at the party, she tried to be a good hostess but she could see that photo of her holding baby Bryn and each time her dream was shattered. She could talk of nothing else but Bethenny Frankel, she knew that he fellow housewives would understand how devastating it is to lose this very popular housewife.
Jill couldn’t understand why they all seemed to be unaffected by the news. Bethenny was leaving the show! They didn’t seem to care, in fact they were laughing and drinking and enjoying all the food and wine that Bobby paid for. Jill made a mental note to send the bill for this party to The Employer.
Jill knew that Ramona would understand, they had both been Housewives for three years now and Bethenny had always been with them. Jill approached Ramona but Ramona had already had several glasses of Pinot by this time. Jill explained to Ramona that she had apologized three times just like Lisa wrote in their book, Secrets Of a Jewish Mother, now available in both hardcover and paperback.
Ramona told Jill to relax, Bethenny was busy with her own show and is done with The Housewives, Ramona told Jill to be happy, this will give us all more air time. “Relax? RELAX!?!?” Jill was furious. “How dare you tell me to relax Ramona Singer?”
Nobody treats Jill Zarin like this, particularly at her own party! Jill would get Ramona and her damn face cream! It is time to spread the rumor that Ramona’s face cream is manufactured using dead animals at a factory in Mexico using children in a sweat shop being paid peanuts.
Normally Ramona would walk away from Jill when she was being unreasonable but the Pinot made her stay, she argued with Jill and told her that everyone on the cast agreed that it was Jill’s fault that Bethenny left the show.
“What did you expect, Jill?” Ramona yelled, “you treated Bethenny like crap, of course she didn’t renew her contract!”
Jill became enraged, the tears of sorrow became tears of extreme anger. “Get Out Ramona, LEAVE!” At those words Ramona smirked.
“Oh just like with Bethenny at the Creaky Joints fundraiser, and Alex at Jen’s house, ‘leave!’? haha, sure Jill” Ramona said. “Sure I’ll leave”. Ramona’s laugh became high pitched as she collected another glass of Pinot and continued to mingle among the guests.
Jill stood without being able to move for several minutes. She watched as her guests laughed and talked not knowing her black heart had hardened even more.
Over at the bar, Cindy introduced Luann and her French boyfriend to her latest conquest, Cindy only wished they could see him with his shirt off, they would be so jealous. He couldn’t make conversation but he could make love like no man she’d ever known before.
Ramona had made her way over to Alex and Simon who were enjoying light conversation with her husband Mario and Sonja Morgan. The blondes really did have more fun!
Alex asked the ladies if they would be attending the event next weekend back in New York in support of Gay/Lesbian marriage, they all agreed they would be there, after all The Employer would be filming there.
Jill wouldn’t be attending any more events with the blondes on the show. Ramona was finished, Jill had given her every chance to be part of her fabulous circle of people but this was the last straw! Ramona actually blamed Jill for Bethenny leaving the show? How dare she! From now on if a blonde housewife was anywhere in sight, Jill would refuse to film with them!
Alex was her enemy, there would never be a friendship there, there never WAS a friendship there. If The Employer thinks he is going to force her to be friends with Alex by allowing her to continue to be a Housewife, he had another thing coming!
Sonja Morgan has gotten way too popular way too fast. She had the nerve to do an interview with the writer of “THAT Blog” and Jill would never forgive Sonja for that indiscretion. Even Alex knew better than to give “THAT Blog” an interview.
Sonja didn’t care what Jill thought, the writer of “THAT Blog” sent an email asking for an interview. Sonja mulled it over for quite some time, she didn’t respond to the email right away. She knew it would upset Jill but it was time someone taught Jill that she wasn’t The Employer, she was just another housewife on the show. Sonja sent an email back to the writer of “THAT Blog” saying, “ok, let’s do this!”
SONJA MORGAN talks Gardens & Gals on REALITY BUZZ with LYNN HUDSON! http://j.mp/hJg7fA
Time was tight so Sonja scheduled the interview at the same time as her hair appointment. She certainly couldn’t do it during her time with her daughter, that was when they cooked in the toaster oven together and laughed about all the things that Mommy was doing during filming. Sonja’s time with her daughter was precious.
Jill couldn’t hide her fury, she knew one person who would understand. Luann had drifted away from her French boyfriend and the new girl and was talking with one of the cameramen asking if his camera had one of those really cool, “Barbara Walters type” filters to make her look younger and more beautiful than she already was. Jill pulled Luann away.
Jill was finally able to calm down a bit, Luann agreed with everything Jill said, “Ramona’s rude and she knows it” Luann agreed. “Jill, we’re going to be better than ever without Bethenny, we don’t need her” Jill knew Luann was right.
Luann looked around the party and spotted her French boyfriend talking with Sonja Morgan, that could only me trouble. Luann immediately ran to his side.
Jill looked around at the six other housewives, Alex talked easily with Ramona and Sonja. Luann was her bestie and would always be by her side, she knew she would be able to easily get the new girl Cindy into her spider web. Kelly was doing cartwheels over by the beach all by herself. sigh…
The following weekend The Employer had the cameras ready at the parade to support Gay and Lesbian Marriage. Alex, Sonja, Kelly and Luann were decked out in second hand wedding gowns they purchased at Second Time Around, a company that Alex did a lot of work with. Ramona couldn’t make it, she had horrible nausea and couldn’t possibly walk in a parade that day, let alone put a wedding gown on, again.
Jill knew that The Employer would be there filming but she remembers her mother telling her not to wear a wedding gown made of …..what was it? What day was she not to wear a wedding gown? Jill couldn’t remember, she kept forgetting to get those vitamins that are supposed to improve your memory. In any case, she wasn’t going to don a wedding gown for anyone!
Putting aside their differences for a good cause, Luann and Kelly joined Alex and Sonja to support Gay and Lesbian marriage in New York.
Back at Jill’s apartment, Bobby asks Jill if she wasn’t supposed to be filming today. Bobby recently learned how to check the electronic filming schedule on his laptop. Jill told Bobby that she refused to attend the event, not because she didn’t support Gay Marriage but because the “Blondes” would be there. “Besides, Mommy said something about not wearing a wedding gown and I would look silly to go against mummy’s wishes”.
Jill and Bobby had just returned from an exhausting trip to Australia. Last season’s episodes were just airing down under and people were so mean to her there. It was like reliving the nightmare with Bethenny all over again. When the reunion aired in Australia, Jill stayed in her hotel room the entire following day.
Luckily at a book signing through the sea of haters, she found a few young impressionable girls to support her.
To add insult to injury, while Jill was away the dog sitter allowed an incident at the park to cause a pregnancy scare with poor Ginger, Jill’s beloved pup. A cameraman stepped on the poor dog shortly after a negative pregnancy test result arrived and Ginger needed a procedure to take care of internal bleeding. It had been a hellish week for Jill and Bobby.
Having just arrived home from Australia, with all the problems and frustration, attending a rally in the streets of NY was the last thing Jill wanted to do.
“But Jill, isn’t the whole point of being part of the cast to attend these things, otherwise you’ll miss out on air time, don’t forget the St. John shoot, you weren’t on an entire episode last season because of your stubbornness”. Bobby reminded her.
“Damnit Bobby, I hate it when you’re right!” Jill yelled, “put a cute outfit on Ginger, and call the car service, I’m going!”
Jill still refused to wear a wedding gown, just jeans will have to do today. She let her stylist go for the day so she would have to do her own hair and make up but she refused to miss out on being on film again! Jill collects her dog, a bottle of Diet Coke and her purse and runs out to the car to join the Housewives at the rally.
Back at Ramona’s, she’s just returned from the corner drug store. She locks herself in her 400 sq foot bathroom. Tears are quietly streaming down her face as she slowly removes her purchase from the brown paper bag. How can this be happening to her now? She is 50-something years old!
Thank you to Quincy for your never ending support and assistance with this blog, without you I don’t know what I would do!
Until Next time…