I Hate Jill Zarin The Real Housewives of New York – Season Four
The story of our predictions for the RHONY new upcoming season continues, when last we left the Housewives, Ramona was upset and crying in her bathroom…
The Real Housewives of New York – Desperate Measures by LynnNChicago and QuincyIL
Ramona sits alone in her large well appointed bathroom. The brown paper bag lies on the floor at her feet, she is in shock and tears are streaming down her face. She peed on a stick for the first time in 15-years, but the cameras were rolling just outside the door. Bethenny did it, after all, but what will she say to Mario. Maybe she should talk to the Housewives first, Jill acts like she’s angry with her all the time but she knows deep down they are true friends. Ramona picks up the phone…
Jill’s long suffering assistant Darren, named after the Bewitched character that his mother loved so much, picked up the phone as it rang for the 15th time today. “Sorry Mrs. Singer, Jill isn’t available right now” Darren rattles off for the 15ht time today. In the background Ramona can hear Jill screaming, “Is that Ramona? Let me talk to her!” Darren turns red and hands his boss the phone.
Ramona prepared to spill her guts to Jill but didn’t get a chance, “Ramona, have you heard? They want us all to go on a trip together! I insisted we all go to Israel but they want us to go to Morocco, don’t they know we’ll look ridiculous trying to copy Sex In The City?”
Ramona begins to respond but Jill continues, “What the hell are they thinking? The Employer would be so much better sending us to Israel, I could teach Ally so much about our roots and we could all have so much fun with Gloria and Sol, you know my parents have been there several times, they know everything about the country. We would have built in tour guides”
Ramona can’t think about some trip, she’s silently sobbing about her own problems, Jill continues again, “Ramona, are you listening to me? I’m booking a trip to Israel right now, they’re not going to get away with this, listen, I have to go” Jill hangs up the phone and barks at Darren to get her travel advisor on the phone.
Darren had recently found it even more impossible to come to work every day. At least he had Twitter and some Twitter friends he could chat with during the day but his boss, Jill Zarin has now taken that away from him. She told him to Tweet that photo of her filming a few months back, she told him too to ensure he didn’t release what she was filming. Jill Zarin wanted people to think she was filming The Real Housewives without Alex McCord. In fact Jill had been filming a show for Animal Planet with her dog Ginger. Darren had done exactly as Jill told him to do but The Employer was angry and Jill needed a scapegoat. Now Darren was forced to leave Twitter and all of his cyber friends behind. Darren needed this job otherwise he would have quit months ago.
In Brooklyn Alex and Simon have checked several books out of the library and are sitting at their large kitchen counter with their two boys. The books are all about Morocco and the couple are teaching their children all about this new country that Mommy will be visiting soon. The VanKempen children are well traveled although never to Morocco, someday Alex vows to bring the boys there.
Sonja is having lunch with Kelly, Sonja is wondering for the 5th time this hour how she ended up here, with Kelly Bensimon. Sonja likes to look out for Kelly, it seems as though Kelly gets defensive and only Sonja knows how to defuse the craziness.
The ladies are discussing their upcoming trip to Morocco, it sounds like fun! Kelly tells Sonja she loves her dress but reminds her not to wear it again as they were photographed coming into the restaurant. Sonja wonders why Kelly worries about such silly things. Several months later, Sonja will wear this same dress on Rachel Ray’s Show. Kelly is mortified for her.
Cindy Barshop spent the morning playing with her twins on the floor of their playroom. She’s in a cab on her way to her salon to make sure things are running smoothly with some of her best customers scheduled to come in today, she likes to provide personal service. The cab driver honks his horn again as Cindy’s phone alerts her to a text message. Cindy met the author of the text two nights ago and is asking if they can get together tonight. Cindy smiles and begins to text back ….
Jill sends a text message too, to her boss, The Employer is going to get a huge surprise when he finds out she will be in Israel at the same time as The Employer has planned a trip to Morocco for all of the Housewives. They won’t dare go ahead with the Morocco plans without Jill Zarin!
30 Rockefeller Plaza is buzzing with activity, the white board is overflowing with names, dates and details of a trip planned for the New York Housewives. They all seemed excited about the trip, all except one. The decision now has to be made, The Employer has three choices. Cancel the trip altogether, give in and send all the NY Housewives to Israel instead of Morocco or Postpone the trip and send them to Morocco later in the season. Jill Zarin is a pain in the ass!
Who is going to go into the grubby little unorganized office overlooking the beautiful Rockefeller plaza and tell Mr. Employer that their plans had just all been shot to hell?
Mr. Employer rarely gets angry, he never raises his voice in fact he tends to get quiet and mumble when he’s angry. Not today, the entire floor heard Mr. Employer threatening to move forward with the trip without Jill Zarin. Deep down he knew that couldn’t happen, not since Bethenny refused to do the show, unfortunately they can’t disrupt the cast anymore. Only Jill could get The Employer this angry, he remembers the last time she got him this angry.
Jill simply had to go to Morocco with the other ladies. Jill did the same thing last season with the trip to St. John, refusing to go and threatening to take the Housewives on a trip of her own. Mr. Employer had lost that small battle but he would win the war, he knew this time he was going to have to give in a bit.
There was no way he was sending all these women to Israel, he was going to have to postpone the trip to Morocco. Damn that Jill Zarin! “Change the date of the trip to Morocco!” he ordered.
News of the date change spread among the Housewives like wildfire, their families made phone calls and adjusted plans as the Employer tried to decide what else he could film in the meantime, not only was he adjusting hundreds of schedules for the date change on the Morocco trip but he was going to have to either film the remaining housewives as Jill vacationed in Israel or simply put a halt to filming until Jill returned home. This could delay the release of the show even further, as it was they began filming months later than usual.
Luckily they were almost finished editing the Miami Housewives series, it was garbage but it was something that they could air if absolutely necessary. The public eat up any Housewives series we air, he snickered a bit.
The Employer just had to suck it up and let Jill have a partial win on this one. But he would never inflict the New York Housewives on his people in Israel, the plan will remain Morocco, he made a mental note to ensure each housewife have a copy of the protocol including the attire expected so they don’t offend an entire nation.
While Jill Zarin and her family are in Israel, the rest of the Real Housewives attend many functions without incident. There is no fighting, no arguing and no backstabbing. Where is The Employer going to get footage to include in this season? Things are looking dismal.
The Employer noted on Ramona’s calendar that she would be attending a charity function, this typically wouldn’t be something exciting to film but with Jill in Israel and the film crew available, they decided to send the cameras. Ramona was in no mood for any event but cancelling wasn’t an option, this was a commitment she had made months ago and she just learned The Employer would be sending cameras. The stylists arrived on time and began to prepare Ramona for the event, she snapped at them all and drank several glasses of her own Pinot that she would be releasing soon. Mario told Ramona to calm down and stop drinking so much. Menopause wasn’t the end of the world but Ramona ignored him and downed the rest of her glass of wine.
Arriving at the function, the cameras flashed and Ramona looked fantastic on the step and repeat, no one would know she was well over 50 years old. As The Employer’s producer approached her to get another angle on her entrance to the event, Ramona snapped, she told him to back off and just let her enjoy her night out. The producer apologized and told Ramona he simply needed one shot of her near the step and repeat so they could easily identify the event and its sponsors. Ramona was sick of filming, she could not deal with all of this extra stress, she slapped the producer right across the face as hard as she could, turned her back on him and walked away with her head held high. The producer made a mental note to talk to The Employer about making this Ramona’s final season on the show. He also noted that several other news outlets were present and busily texting and calling their editors.
Report: NYC Housewives’ Ramona Singer Slaps A Producer! http://t.co/9854N4x
Finally an email to the Employer and things are looking up in Brooklyn, Alex’s email includes details, she’s contractually required to notify them of any other contracts she signs, Alex is about to embark on a modeling career, she has signed with New York Model Management and has already been scheduled to do several photo shoots, runway walks and product endorsements. Finally, The Employer has something to film and probably no reports of producers getting slapped!
Jill has made up her mind, her trip to Israel and reliving the final episodes of Season Three for the third and hopefully final time was very stressful. She refuses to make this season about Bethenny Frankel. Fine Bethenny’s first season of her new show did well, Jill can be happy for other people, even her ex-friend who refused to invite her to the media circus of a wedding. Jason doesn’t like Jill? That is tough to live with, Jill doesn’t like it knowing that people don’t like her. Why did she have to mention the new Ferrari and expensive boots she got the first time she met Jason Hoppy? If only Jill could spend some time with Jason Hoppy, she knows she could turn him around and make him love her just like everyone else does.
Jill’s trip to Israel was a success, she was able to Tweet many photos of her and her family having fun on vacation, but now it’s back to filming. Jill knows she can’t talk about Bethenny on camera during Season Four, The Employer wouldn’t like to remind people that Bethenny has left and Jill doesn’t want this whole season to be about Bethenny, but how else can Jill remain relevant? Jill’s daughter Ally is going away to school, she knows her beautiful Ally shopping, packing and moving to a college dorm is easily three or four episodes. The Zarin’s are such a fascinating family, people will love to see Ally getting ready to go to college. Everyone has been routing for Ally.
Jill posted a college shopping spree with Ally scheduled for the following week on The Employer’s calendar ensuring they are given enough time to schedule a film crew to follow her and Ally as they collected clothes and supplies for College. Expecting The Employer to have film crews at their doorstep the next day, Jill had her stylists scheduled to arrive at 7am. Jill sent a text message to their regular sound guy asking him to pick up coffee on his way over, Jill was shocked when the reply text said he would be going to Brooklyn this morning, not to Jill’s place. This can’t be happening! The Employer is filming Alex McCord instead of her shopping trip with Ally?
Now what? Jill will have to make some use of this shopping spree, her fans will want to see it, know about it, and tell her what a great mom she is. Darren will just have to come along and photograph Jill and Ally shopping, then she can tweet them to her fans. Even better, Jill decided she would send the photos to her “contacts” in the media. Surely they would be anxious for any news of Jill Zarin, she sent the photos to several internet sites and media outlets, this is Jill’s email:
Hey! I wanted to shoot over a possible item/sighting that my office has for your site regarding Jill Zarin and her daughter Ally at Century 21 in NYC from yesterday. I’m attaching several different photos as I wasn’t sure which one’s best for your site. Let me know your thoughts as she looks super cute and if you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to ask.
Jill attached several photos to this email along with three different “blurbs” that could go along with the photos, making it as easy as possible for them to post these in their newspapers and on their web sites. Jill was furious the next day when one of her trusted sources posted the entire email with all three of the verbiage choices she sent:
Look How Desperate Jill Zarin Is For Press… http://thedirty.com/?p=450158 (Via @NikRichie)
That bastard even titled his piece “Look How Desperate Jill Zarin Is For Press”. How dare he? She was only trying to make his life easier and give him an interesting press item, one Jill knew would get them lots of hits. That site is done, he will never get another interview or any cooperation from Jill, in fact, Jill told Darren to find this guy’s boss, and get him on the phone. He won’t have a job tomorrow morning.
None of the other sites posted Jill’s item, Jill was seething with fury. Jill got a text message from The Employer, “Jill, please don’t send story suggestions about yourself to media outlets per your contract. Thank you”.
Jill had to put that out of her mind, she had shopping and packing to do, she was off to Morocco with the rest of the Housewives. Still a bit annoyed that she was told she couldn’t bring along her husband, daughter and beloved Ginger, Jill went shopping!
In Brooklyn Alex McCord was shopping as well, she had the protocol list of appropriate attire and since little in her closet would do, she called some of her favorite Brooklyn designers to help her find just the right wardrobe items to take to Morocco. A text from Ramona was disturbing but would have to wait until later, it said, “Alex I need your help, no period for 3 months, what should I do?” Alex thought briefly that Ramona was trying to say she was pregnant but realized that Ramona may just needs to come to terms with menopause. Alex will call Ramona later.
The ladies would be traveling to Morocco in two shifts, the brunettes leave JFK first but with The Employer trying to keep this trip quiet Jill’s Google alert on herself had been eerily quiet for many days. A quick text to a contact letting them know it would be worth their while to camp out at JFK early the next morning. News of the Housewives trip to Morocco leaked the next day. Jill smiled as her Google alert chimed on the plane, content Jill drifted off to sleep, she will awake refreshed and ready to take on Morocco.
To Be Continued….
Don’t forget to “Spring Forward” today, the clocks are to be turned one hour ahead so we lose an hour of our Sunday…bummer!
Until Next Time…