I Hate Jill Zarin The Real Housewives of New York
In our continuing story of our New York Housewives season four predictions, the ladies are off to Morocco. Based on a true story… By Quincy IL & LynnNChicago
Infidels at the Walls of the Red City, Marrakesh
With the New York Brunette’s safely en route to Morocco The Employer breathed just a bit easier, they were the difficult bunch but now they’re in the hands of the producers assigned to the trip. The Blonde’s and the new girl will be on a flight later today. The cost of this trip is astronomical but The Employer knows it’ll be worth it as the show will attain even higher ratings. While he is already fairly sure, he makes a mental note to confirm which Housewife leaked the trip to the press.
Alex and Sonja are pushing carts with their luggage as they leave customs in the new airport in Marrakesh. A man in a red fez and a long white gown who is to act as their guide, bows and says, “Welcome to Marrakesh.” Alex says, “Thank you.” They follow their guide. Ramona emerges and joins the group. She points out the “Shriner’s hat” on the man and laughs. Alex and Sonja are embarrassed as their guide is listening and he speaks perfect English. The man is a nationalist and a representative of the Government of Morocco. He smiles and says, “This is my tarboosh,” and he touches his hat. Finally, Cindy emerges from customs and they are ready to see Morocco.
Marakesh is the Red City. The great wall protecting the Eleventh Centure city from invading armies in ancient times is painted a reddish color as are many of the buildings. The government official tells the drivers of a small fleet of White Rolls-Royces to load the ladies suitcases and they are taken to the King’s own residence which is also the Royal Mansur Hotel. The hotel’s interior was designed by many famous European Architects and Interior designers including Paloma Picasso, the current partner of Giles Bensimon, Kelly Bensimon’s one and only ex-husband. Kelly had visited Morocco with her ex-husband Giles while they were married but she doesn’t remember as she was restricted to staying on the hotel property during that visit. Giles didn’t want his wife getting lost or getting into trouble.
The cars pass through the 2.5 ton sculpted bronze entry gates to discover that they are to stay in the palace/hotel of their dreams. They are lead to their imperial “riads,” which are their suites build around private court yards. There are 10 servants and a butler awaiting the housewives. Sonja says, “These are the accommodations that I was used to during my marriage. I lived like a queen. Ah, there is my marble spa. Let’s go for a dip in the roof top pool later when the sun goes down a bit. “
Ramona walks around the room. She asks the Butler about Jill Zarin, the Countess and Kelly who arrived the day before. The Butler informed them that the Ladies have gone to Harem. Ramona doesn’t understand this, but Sonja tells her that Harem is a health spa and resort. On occasion, Sonja has visited Marakesh on the arm of rich Middle Eastern men that she met in NYC or in the playgrounds of Europe.
Cindy misses her twin daughters so she is on the phone to New York making sure her babies are alright. She sips a cocktail as she shares her experiences from the day of travel with the nanny on duty in her New York home, the nanny rolls her eyes while listening to her boss ramble on complaining about the flight and long lines at the airport.
Cindy complains too that she is stuck traveling with the Blonde’s, she belongs with the Brunette’s and doesn’t waste time joining Jill, Kelly and LuAnn at Harem. She wanted to critique the Spa anyway, complaints begin to form in her head but she feels it would be rude to point them out while touring the spa.
Ramona and Sonja are ready for “Turtle Time.” They ask for cocktails. The King’s Butler recommends the hotel’s famous Maker’s Mark Bourbon Cocktails. Sonja and Ramona want to enjoy the taste of Morocco so they place their orders. Alex requests water with Crushed Evian Ice another unique drink of the hotel. Sonja and Ramona now understand why The Employer enjoys Maker’s Mark so much as they order another.
The hotel suite is spectacular. Ramona tells that ladies that these suites rent for $42,920 dollars a night. She had her daughter Avery look up the hotel on the internet before she left NYC. Alex is impressed. Sonja remembers that this was her life before she received the petition for divorce.
By the time Jill, the Countess and Kelly return from their day at Harem, Ramona and Sonja were laughing and having a wonderful time. The Countess finds Jill who is on the phone to Bobby and motions that she needs to talk to Jill. Jill tells Bobby that she has to go and tells him that she misses Ginger.
The Countess says, “I don’t know how we can go out to dinner, they are already three sheets to the wind.” Jill says, “What did you expect. This is Ramona we’re talking about. Did she bring her own bottle of Pino Grigio?” The Countess said, “No, they are drinking hard liquor.” Alex follows the Countess into the courtyard to greet Jill. Jill turns on a dime and runs for her bedroom. She is not ready to film with Alex at this moment. Alex tries to say something to the Countess, but she motions for Alex to zip it and walks away leaving Alex wondering how all of this is going to work.
Suddenly Alex hears some splashing from the nearby pool. Kelly is in a tiny bikini and she just jumped into the swimming pool like a cannon ball. She is having a wonderful time all by herself in the infinity pool on a roof top of the palace. Unfortunately, Kelly is being watched by European and Middle Eastern men. She is also watched by Middle Eastern women who just made calls to the hotel manager to complain about a woman in a tiny bikini and a lot of noise coming from the courtyard of the room rented by “The Real Housewives of New York City.”
Kelly swims to the side of the pool and collects her jelly beans that she left near her towel, she never travels without her jelly beans.
The housewives decide to have dinner in their suite as certain people are barely able to walk and could embarrass themselves. They order blue lobster, the specialty dish of the famous chef, (not a cook) of the hotels three restaurants.
For the Brave of Heart
After a breakfast of radish, fresh flat breads, large juicy olives, and fetal cheese, the real housewives are ready for their first trip as a group in Morocco. Fortunately for them, the government has provided security as the Souks, open air markets, have been known to be a challenge to the novice tourist.
The people of Marrakesh dress in attire from the ancient times to the most modern fashions of Paris. In the souks people beg and cajole tourists to take their photo and then they try to charge as much as they can trick a tourist into paying.
The Mercedes Benz limousines arrive and the housewives walk into the streets of Morocco for first time. They hear the sound of trumpets. That sound is from the snake charmers who want to lure the ladies close for photo ops with their vipers and cobras. The housewives smell the spices of turmeric and garlic on roasting meat. The smells bother Ramona. She has a terrible headache from last night’s “Turtle Time.”
An artist requests the privilege of making a henna tattoo on Sonja’s arm. She laughs and says that it would have to go somewhere less obvious. A psychic calls to the ladies and wants to tell their future. Jill Zarin thinks this person surely is a fake. She only believes in the fortune telling of New York City psychics.
The real housewives walk down the street looking at the tents and small shops followed by their camera men. All attention is focused on the women and their entourage.
Ramona says, “Don’t buy anything. This all comes from China.” The shop keepers speak English and they understand Ramona quite well. They call out that their products are hand crafted in small Moroccan villages by people in need. Cindy whispers to Jill that Ramona has just insulted an entire nation.
A man in the costume of an acrobat asks Jill Zarin to have a photo taken with him. Jill Zarin thinks the man is a fan so she agrees; she is shocked when he asks Jill for 20 dollars.
There are water sellers near the gates and the real housewives are thirsty. The guide warns them that they should not drink the bottled water that they just paid 15 dollars for, because the water sellers refill bottles with tap water from their homes. The guide let the women buy the water before he warned them.
The ladies go into a shop, but they notice a horrible smell. In the back of the shop, there is a small tanning factory and they discover that leather actually comes from the tanned flesh of animals. They quickly leave the shop. They don’t really want to know where the leather for purses and shoes comes from.
The guide takes them to a room where they are given refreshing mint tea and a snake charmer performs his act. He plays his instrument as the snake comes out of a wooden cabinet and seems to dance to the sounds. There is a jar of white mucous next to the snake. The charmer takes its venom and places it in the jar. Sonja tries to make a joke, “Is that semen or venom?” No one laughs except Sonja.
The late afternoon sun bakes the Souks, so many tourists retire to their hotels for rest before the evening’s festivities. The real housewives return to the King’s Hotel for to prepare for more filming. They will dine under the stars in the grand open air markets tonight when the entire city awakens to become the largest restaurant in the world.
In the suite, Alex asks the Countess, why Jill Zarin is refusing to speak to her. The Countess dismisses Alex. Alex and the Countess speak quietly. Finally, Alex says, that she believes Jill is being childish. The Countess says, “Alex, you are the snake, go back into the cabinet you came from.” as she walks away leaving Alex stunned.
Alex is visibly shaken. She retreats to her bedroom and calls Simon. Simon listens and is concerned. Simon tells Alex that he will call Bobby Zarin. Bobby is a reasonable person even though he is blindly in love with Jill Zarin. Simon plans to share his feelings with Bobby about the way Jill is treating Alex in Morocco.
Cindy Barshop tries to talk to Ramona who is on her way to get started with round two of “Turtle Time.” Ramona says, “I can’t be bothered now. I need my Pinot Grigio.” Cindy tells us in an interview that it is the blonds against the brunettes. She doesn’t think this is the correct way that women should treat other women, and she intends to share her opinions with Jill Zarin right away. Cindy remembers Sonja’s words but doesn’t believe that the women should have a pecking order. Cindy tells us, “No one respects anyone else.” None of the ladies want to listen to Cindy complain anymore, Cindy talks to the security guard hired to protect them. He rolls his eyes under his dark glasses as Cindy rambles on about pecking orders.
The real housewives dress in designer gowns and designer shoes. Their hair and makeup is done by attendants. They enter their Mercedes and speed off towards their first experience in Middle Eastern dining. They arrive at one of the most famous restaurants in the world to discover that there are no chairs or tables. The ladies are instructed to sit on carpets. Waiters bring bowls with hot white towels for them to wash their hands. They are given goblets filled with crushed melons and mint for a drink. They are told to eat their food using bread rather than a fork. Neither Ramona nor Jill is happy. This is not a five star NYC restaurant and they share that with everyone. The cameras roll picking up every single complaint.
The cameramen and producers are exhausted and hungry. They could use a piece of bread and some drinks, but they continue to film non-stop in the hopes of something dramatic happening between the ladies at dinner. They remember how angry The Employer was when other crews missed filming important conversations between some of the Beverly Hill’s housewives. Those guys are following Danielle Staub around now. No, they wouldn’t take any breaks tonight, they could eat and sleep later.
Back at the hotel, Jill and Ramona retire to Ramona’s bedroom. They begin a polite conversation but it gets heated as both Jill and Ramona feel the other owes her an apology. Jill definitely has the advantage of being completely sober, she knows that Ramona gets ramotional when she has had a few drinks. Jill knows she can manipulate this scene for the cameras very easily. Ramona can’t understand why Jill is fawning over the new girl, Cindy and completely leaving Ramona out in the cold. Ramona asks for an apology but Jill loses control, “Until you apologize, we can never be friends!” Jill yells at Ramona then storms out of the room. Ramona is left alone lying on her bed crying hysterically wishing she had said something more profound.
To Be Continued…
My newest Housewife portrait:
Portrait of a Housewife – Ramona Singer @ http://look.ac/ecEwsz
All of my Portrait of A Housewife blogs links are all posted here: http://wp.me/PVOhN-AN
Finally in the real world of Housewives, we know that Jill Zarin will be blogging during her show but not on the nasty Bravotv.com boards like everyone else. She has a private blog that only her fans can see and comment on, this way she can control it and no one can say anything negative to her.
Jill is also planning to do a video U-Stream during the season, she did a trial a few days ago to see how well it worked, it was recorded for prosperity, you can view it here:
It’s over 30-minutes long but I fought through the pain and listened to the entire thing. A few interesting bits I wanted to throw out there.
First, Jill mentions that Dina Manzo has invited her to Chicago to attend her charity event “all expenses paid”. I found that interesting, who was paying all of Jill Zarin’s expenses to appear at this CHARITY event? The Charity? Dina herself? Very curious. Someone needs to get to the bottom of this.
During the recording Jill asks that her fans more than once to help her to keep the haters away as she records her live show’s on U Stream. She says things like, “hate is such a strong word” and “even if you hate, why keep it up after the show is over”. A few subtle digs at our blog here folks. But the granddaddy came at the end…
Toward the end of the recording, as Jill is reading the comments by the 30 or so people who joined her, Jill mentions again that she’ll need everyone’s help to keep “haters” away from her U-Stream recordings, then Jill reads aloud from a fan, “yeah, Lynn is a wackadoodle”. Then Jill adds, “Who is Lynn?”. That was worth the price of admission right there. To pretend she doesn’t know … oh you all know…she chose that one comment to read aloud so that she could pretend not to know who who we are… funny! Thank you Jill for even more proof that you visit on a regular basis.
I am trying to imagine any other Housewife doing this and if they would need to focus so much of their efforts on how to keep “haters” away from their broadcast, who am I kidding, no other housewife has the ego to do this. Jill anticipates a phone call from Bravo shutting it all down.
The private blog is priceless, don’t you think?
Someone over at Bravo has had a few too many Maker’s Mark and Ginger Ale, they’re going to do a LIVE, yes LIVE Housewives Reunion for the Miami crowd.
Actually, I think it will just be an episode of Watch What Happens Live with 6 guests. There might be a few arguments but I doubt any tables will get flipped.
This is just really proving that Miami didn’t do well in the ratings and having an all day 12-hour shoot with a fancy venue, expensive lunch, cameras, crew and Andy Cohen’s flight and accommodations in Miami just wasn’t worth it. This is going to cost them a lot less and put a quick end to the mistake that is The Real Housewives of Miami.
Until Next Time…