I Hate Jill Zarin Real Housewives of New York – Season Four
Our continuing story covers Episode One of Season Four and includes our version of some behind the scenes antics, we hope you enjoy our take on things. Quincy & LynnNChicago~
It Was the Best of Times
Ramona Singer is celebrating the launch of her new line of Pinot Grigio with the label, “Ramona.” Alex McCord takes a sip of the wine and before she can react, Ramona interjects, “Tastes good, right.” It wasn’t really a question, of course her cast-mate and on screen friend Alex is going to say she loves it. Ramona knew that this was going to make her famous, she didn’t write a book, that’s so cliche, none of the other ladies have their own wine label, this is real class! Alex says Ramona should have put “Turtle Time” on the bottle, actually Ramona wanted her face on the bottle but the winery wouldn’t go for that. It’s officially Turtle Time for the fourth season of “The Real Housewives of New York City.”
Jill Zarin arrives with her husband Bobby wearing a dress that is very much like the one that Bethenny Frankel wore in the third season reunion. Jill Zarin tells us that she is surprised to feel welcomed by Simon van Kempen but Alex’s face is a stone, you can see her jaw muscles clenching at the sight of Jill Zarin.
The chess game has begun, Jill makes the first move by greeting Alex with air kisses to each cheek but Alex tells us that this is all wrong. “Jill likes to pretend nothing ever happened, ignore it and it will go away but I can’t just forget all the damage Jill caused to so many people”.
Jill tells viewers that last year was humbling and that she has learned a lot, she wants to start fresh without looking back.
Simon and Alex are enjoying a glass of wine when he whispers into her ear, “Shall we go over and join the others, Darling, Please.”
Jill is telling a group of women that Alex was overreacting, crying and screaming. Jill’s version of being booted off the island last year gets more and more dramatic each time she tells it. Jill tells the ladies that Alex stood up and ordered her to leave and when Jill asked to use the bathroom Alex said, “Why? Don’t you have a bathroom on your private jet?” Jill’s memory is bad but she is telling it the way she remembers it.
Alex makes her way over to where the women are talking, the discussion of last season ends as soon as Alex arrives but not before she heard Jill’s lies. Alex knew Jill Zarin couldn’t change! The other women cover for Jill and act as though nothing was wrong, not because they liked Jill more than Alex but because they feared Jill, her reputation as a vicious, mean, cruel woman proceeded her. Alex asks the ladies to attend the walk from Manhattan to Brooklyn for the Marriage Equality Movement which Alex is helping as a committee member.
As Alex explains the March for Equality, she asks the women to wear their wedding gowns or white cocktail dresses. Jill makes a joke that you can wear your cap and gown. The ladies laugh. Someone says, “We need a march for smaller government.” Jill said, “We need the freedom to get naked and run around.” The ladies all laugh but Alex seems confused and wonders if she has fallen into a rabbit hole and is chasing the Red Queen.
Alex says, “We expect to see you all there. I am going to the bar.” At the bar, Simon asks, “Do you need a refill?” Alex replies, “I really do after all of that.”
Romana, in an interview, says, “Alex lighten up. It’s a party!”
In Search of Twitter Fans
Jill Zarin is traveling to Australia to meet her adoring fans. Of course, she needs Kelly Bensimon’s help packing. Since Luann found herself a man, Kelly is now Jill’s BFF. She immediately goes to Jill’s bed and makes herself comfortable. Jill suddenly remembers all those times Bethenny laid on her bed like that, talking and laughing she really misses Bethenny, Kelly doesn’t make Jill laugh and has no sense of humor.
Jill tells us that Kelly went through a really rough time last year, but she stuck by Kelly because that is what real friends do. Jill is secretly hoping she will connect with the newest housewife, there has to be someone in the cast that Jill can have some fun with! She really misses Bethenny and tears up as she talks to Kelly about her, Kelly stupidly says, “lost love” but it makes Jill sob even harder, not because Kelly’s words were deep and meaningful but because this is now what Jill has been reduced to spending time with. Jill vows silently to bring the new girl into her circle, whatever it takes.
Jill expresses her concern about traveling half way around the planet in a jet with first class accommodations, “I feel like I am going to be locked up in a tin can for 17 hours.” Kelly has no idea what Jill is talking about but immediately thinks it has something to do with Jill’s favorite drink, Diet Coke. “I’m going to have an anxiety attack.” Kelly is listening to Jill and twirling her hair, first with her left hand and then with her right hand.
Jill asks Kelly why she missed the first filming of the season, “Ramona did invite you, didn’t she?” Kelly is annoyed with such a stupid question, “Of course I was invited, but I decided not to go. The last time I saw Ramona, she called me crazy.” (The last time Kelly saw Ramona was the season 3 reunion.) Jill Zarin secretly smiles and makes a mental note to limit the amount of time her daughter spends with Kelly, “It’s mean. Ramona can be an instigator.”
Kelly asks herself questions and gives herself answers, “Am I put in precarious situations a lot with these women? Yeah. Do I navigate in those circumstances well? Nope.” Kelly’s head moves from left to right as she agrees with herself that she does not do well in precarious situations. That Columbia degree allows Kelly to utilize a large range vocabulary.
Kelly has planned the script for the fall season of “The Real Housewives of New York.” Kelly tells Jill, “I have planned a lot of stuff, a lot of cool stuff, things that you and I are going to do.”
Jill turns the subject to Alex, Kelly has turned Jill down to a two, Jill doesn’t notice. Jill asks, “What do you think is going on with her? I was always her cheerleader.”
Kelly has a lucid moment and she tries to tell Jill about Alex, “If Alex can mellow it out….” Jill stops Kelly’s lucid thought with, “Why does she hate me?” Kelly goes blank. She leans back on the bed and twirls her hair.
Kelly can see Jill’s lips moving, Jill is complaining about Alex and Kelly doesn’t want to hear it, if the subject isn’t Bethenny Frankel, it is just white noise. Nobody understands Kelly, they don’t understand that Bethenny tried to completely ruin her Jill rambles on about Alex but Kelly remembers Bethenny screaming at her to “Go To Sleep”. Kelly catches a few words that Jill is saying, “We’ll see her tonight…” Kelly panics thinking that Jill is talking about Bethenny then realizes that Jill is still ranting about Alex McCord and Kelly turns her back down to a two.
Jill tells viewers, “I can’t fight with Alex again. That fight with Bethenny took too many years off of my life. (Jill wipes away a non-existent tear.) I am never going to let that happen to me again. I never thought we would never make up. All I wanted to do is help Bethenny. That is all I wanted. She built this whole career.” Kelly pops into the conversation for a brief moment, “You got dumped.” Jill continues the soliloquy, “When you don’t have a husband and a family, your friends are your family and for me… I think that is a role that I filled for Bethenny once she got married; there wasn’t any room for me. I thought we had a friendship where you have a fight and you have a make-up and I still love her to a certain extent in some weird, sick way. Kelly is now twirling hair on both sides of her head at the same time and she is silent. Kelly has a thought pop out, “It’s love lost. It’s love lost.”
Ramona, is the voice of reason? Ramona explains, “I don’t believe that Bethenny dumped Jill as a friend. Jill did this to herself. Jill likes to be on an equal playing field and when someone starts having a little more than she does or a little more attention, Jill gets “Jillousy.””
Down in the Dark Dungeon
Alex is having a bad internet day. She is trying to bring up photos from Cory Bautrista and NY Model Management where at 36 years old, she has signed a contract to be a runway and print model. Simon is playful, but Alex wants to finish her work. Simon offers tea and bothers Alex while she is discussing her portfolio with her manager. Simon hands Alex a barbell and she is not pleased.
Simon has started a new career and he spends his days making tea for Alex and asking her to go to power lunches where Alex insists they will not drink. He tells Alex that she has to bring home the bacon and she tells us that he left his hotel position so now they both have to earn money. Alex seems stressed, but Simon is proud that she is producing income from a job that shows she is beautiful in the inside and the outside. There appears to be a bit of trouble in the basement office paradise. Kelly explains the modeling world, “A model is simply photogenic, it doesn’t mean you’re pretty.” Alex and Simon disagree.
The Downtown Girl
Cindy Barshop is a humanitarian, at her Spa she has come up with the solution to the Bikini hair issue that has plagued the nation. We learn that hair removal is lucrative, Cindy has twin daughters (10 months old) and because Jill Zarin inappropriately asked Cindy about the babies father, we learn there is no man in their lives.
Cindy is throwing a fundraising art event in a gallery and has invited the all of the ladies. It was time to meet the Housewives. The guests are surprised to learn that they will help create the artwork with their bare feet. Cindy mentions that “There is a hundred thousand dollars of shoes here.” Cindy’s ballet flats were $29.95 at Target.
As Cindy is ready to make a speech, she has trouble getting everyone’s attention but Ramona screams, “QUIET!” Typical Ramona but she got the job done.
Jill Zarin explains that it is completely fine to ask a woman with two babies where their father is, Cindy should expect those type of questions yet Jill can’t understand why Cindy seems annoyed and uncomfortable. This time, Kelly was listening and adores Jill for her investigative skills.
Kelly knows this is the first time all of the Housewives are together filming for Season Four, she has to focus and pay attention. Kelly remembers that Jill hates Alex and is so proud of herself when she makes a really funny joke, “Alex will attend the opening of an envelope”. Kelly is so original and authentic, she is sure her fans will laugh at her joke about Alex and Jill will love it too.
Luann and Sonja are long time friends, Sonja is still sipping her champaign as they walk toward the door to leave, both ladies plan on getting some bedroom action tonight.
Luann asks Sonja if she plans on walking out with her Champaign, Sonja jokes, “Oh, no. I’ll get arrested… again.” but her mind briefly wanders to the unopened pile of legal bills at home.
Business Interviews at Ramona LLC.
Ramona is going to have a breakdown if she doesn’t get a second assistant. Last year, there were several people working in her offices, but they don’t last long. Ramona wants to help the young ladies that are interviewing so she gives them excellent tips on how to dress and answer interview questions. Ramona is a giver. One young lady, introduces herself as Tunisia. Ramona tells her that her name sounds like the name of a country. Tunisia thinks Ramona is making fun of her name, sadly Ramona learned something new today. Tunisia is a country, Ramona isn’t embarrassed, she makes a mental note to look it up on Wikipedia.
More victims pass through Ramona’s gauntlet and each one is more upset than the last as the leave one by one in tears. Ramona is saddened by the pool of applicants but she will teach them and hopefully they’ll all get hired, but by someone else.
Dinner for Four
Sonja and Luann take their boyfriends on a double date. They have great fun with the younger men. They play a game of musical chairs, order drinks, and enjoy teasing each other about their relationships. Luann’s boyfriend says that he loves New York and he loves Luann. Sonja is going slowly because she is just coming out of a divorce and is dealing with a lot of issues, Sonja’s mind wanders briefly to the pile of unread legal papers on her desk at home.
The Singer’s and the VanKempen’s were all invited to a wedding in the Hamptons. Ramona knew that Alex’s presence at the wedding would annoy Jill because Jill had made many phone calls to try to pursuade the bride to exclude Alex McCord from the guest list. Ramona wanted to ensure that she would arrive with Alex so that she doesn’t miss Jill’s reaction and so she invites the VanKempen’s to stay at her Hamptons home for the weekend and all go to the wedding together. Ramona is excited as they pull up at the church, Jill doesn’t disappoint.
Jill should be used to Ramona’s antics, she failed to tell her that Bobby Frankel passed away and she failed to tell her that Alex and Simon would be at this wedding.
Jill tells viewers, “She (Bethenny) said that I couldn’t change. I have changed and no matter what anyone does I will be nice and kind.”
Ramona embarrasses herself as she talks about people behind their backs but those people were literally behind her back and she is busted! Karma baby.
Jill knows the best hiding places as she used to live in the home where the wedding reception is held, she hides in a corner with two women Jill that knew would agree with anything she said just to get some TV face time. The three of them act out their low budget version of “Fashion Police” and agree that it is not correct to wear white to a wedding. Jill’s inexperience on Reality Television is abused as she tells the producer in confidence into her microphone that Alex is a bitch. Then adds, “Look at her. She’s socializing at a party that is so above her.”
Ramona and Alex wander over to confront Jill in their ivory dresses, Jill pretends that nothing is wrong. They briefly talk about the food but Alex is mad and she’s not going to take it anymore. She takes out her notes and begins to question the suspect. No Diet Coke and a hot light bulb face Jill Zarin as Alex bangs away at Jill questioning her like the perp she is until Jill sings like a canary with that face that says, “I’m lying but you can’t call me out on it, I’m Jill Zarin damnit!”
The ladies pause to admire the beautiful wedding cake and Ramona notes that it is melting in the Hamptons heat, Ramona sticks her finger in the frosting to the horror of the others. Alex says, “You didn’t do that.” Jill just smirks and looks at the other women as if to say, “see, I told you Ramona was low class”
Until Next Time….