I Hate Jill Zarin The Real Housewives of New York
Finally the Real Housewives of New York are in Morocco! I wonder how you say “Ugly Americans” in Moroccan. I’m glad that Bravo was able to add to the tourism fund of Morocco but I have to wonder if it was worth it to them having to put up with these women for a week.
Why are you all so shocked that Jill Zarin likes snakes? Need I explain? Jill tells us she’s not afraid of snakes because she has snake-skin shoes. Actually Jill is a snake so how could she possibly be afraid of them? Jill was in her element wrapped in snakes, it was almost ironic.
The brunettes arrive first and after Cindy diva-like refuses to open her own car door, they “Big Brother it” and run to check out the bedrooms and choose the best ones for themselves. Kell Kell got the red one with the pink accents. The ladies introduce themselves to the staff of the house and Jill is sure to tell them to address Luann as Countess, something I would refuse to do if I worked there. You know how staff are known to spit in the drinks and pee in the soup of the really mean guests? Notice how Cindy’s drink was a bit off? Nuff said.
Luann was so excited to show all the girls Morocco, the sand, the shopping and how sophisticated Morocco is, she tells them that they’re staying at the best place to stay and that Brad Pitt just left, he must have heard the Real Housewives of New York were coming. Later as Luann is walking those sophisticated streets of Morocco she says she’s scared but it’s magical so I guess she was afraid of being attacked but excited that maybe she‘ll see Harry Potter there?
Luann is overdoing the “hostess” thing, besides we were told that both Luann and Sonja were hosting this trip but in the end, Bravo hosted the trip, Bravo made the arrangements, got them their accommodations and booked the flights. Lulu forgot to send out the memo explaining the rules of Morocco, Luann apparently needed to explain the required wardrobe to Ramona before the trip, once she arrived it is simply to late daaahling.
The blondes enjoy the first class accommodations on the airplane but Ramona is concerned about her 600 thread count cotton sheets and whether or not there will be enough “help” to assist her with her unpacking. Don’t worry, Ramona sent a text with her list of requirements and Luann was appropriately outraged.
The blonde’s in the van on the way from the airport to the hotel acted like they’ve never traveled before (as Alex pointed out) Sonja is afraid someone will jump out at them like they’re robbing a stagecoach in the wild west. Ramona doesn’t like the dust and dirt but Sonja tells them it will all be fine since Luann had been there for a day and told her it was all ok. It’s always good to have someone taste your food before you eat it too Sonja, have Luann do that as well.
Jill’s talking head interviews show her sporting that awful “new look” with the severe pulled back hair. I wish I knew which one of her paid “yes men” told her that looked good on her because I’d really like to shake their hand.
Ramona asks Luann if it is ok to go to her room, unpack and take a shower, luckily Luann is in a giving mood and allows them to do that.
The brunettes go outside, sit by the pool as the blondes unpack. They talk about Ramona’s wardrobe, as Bensimon sits in a bikini top eating lunch. This is the same woman who insisted on changing out of her bikini to eat lunch in St. John. Luann explains the dress code for Morocco and the other women are mesmerized. Luann is so smart and worldly, isn’t she? They just hadn’t bashed Ramona enough, Jill says that Ramona has work done on her face every other week because she’s 50-something and can’t admit it. Jill just wishes that she’ll look as good as Ramona when she’s Ramona’s age. This is the same Jill Zarin who returned from Australia a new woman, a woman who wasn’t going to gossip and a woman with a whole new nose. I guess all bets are off with Zarin once you cross the International Date Line.
Cindy asks Luann permission to leave the table because she had eaten all of her vegetables and explains to viewers that she opens her bedroom door and was shocked at what she saw, missing from her closet was ….wait for it….coat hangers. I really don’t understand why Cindy didn’t call the police. Cindy confronts the blondes and they all deny stealing her hangers but Cindy’s not buying it….it had to be Ramona in the Closet with the Candlestick…er coat hanger. Get Scotland Yard on the phone! Even Luann said that Cindy was over-reacting. Most likely one of the staff saw the extra hangers in Cindy’s room and since she had already unpacked borrowed some of Cindy’s hangers but that thought never occurred to the whining, moaning, complaining Cindy Barshop.
Luann also forgot to send out the itinerary for each day as her plans to have lunch and go shopping were set, but the blondes had other plans. Alex just wanted to relax in her room but Ramona and Sonja wanted to go for a drive and Luann found that rude.
The brunettes speculated that Ramona and Sonja had decided to go to a neighboring hotel to have their hair and nails done. Kelly viciously starts with the horrible comments that she seems to save up for her international travel. She says that these women never have their nails or hair done so why would they do it in Morocco? The wonderful and charitable Ms. Bensimon then goes on to bash Sonja’s house saying that it is old, unorganized, untidy and needs redecorating. There is no further need to find the bully of the season, Kelly Bensimon takes it hands down.
The brunettes arrive back from their day of shopping where Jill was sure to perpetuate the Jewish stereotype and had pre-calculated the exchange rate of the dollar, she also met up with her ex-gay husband Brad Boles, what a coincidence. Brad happened to be throwing himself a birthday party in his home that evening and invited the housewives to join him.
Luann brought a very famous Moroccan clothing designer to make each of the ladies a new dress or gown of their choosing. Each lady was measured and able to choose a garment. For some odd reason Sonja and Ramona decide that he should put another log on the fire, maybe it is just because he was closest to the firewood? Luckily Alex averted the awkwardness and got the firewood to keep the fire going. Alex correctly points out that it sometimes takes more time to ask someone else to do something for you than it does to just do it your damn self!
Brad had told Jill that he saw Ramona over the summer and she insulted him, does anyone really care that Brad was insulted? Me either.
All seven housewives arrive at Brad’s and they learn that he doesn’t so much own a home in Morocco as he’d always claimed but he stays at the same Bed and Breakfast each time he travels there. That’s the same thing, right?
Brad warmly welcomes Ramona to his party, Jill asks for a tour of the house and was told no because there were people sleeping. Who sleeps through a party in the house. Jill is completely embarrassed (in front of Brad, I suppose?) because Ramona is texting on her phone and Sonja is just a mess…read drunk. Ramona tells us about an awkward moment on the ride over to Brad’s, Cindy still has that hanger up her ass I guess.
The snake charmer affected all the ladies differently, Jill played with the snakes and even decorated her head in them. Jill is trying so hard to be Bethenny it’s almost sad. Kelly was creeped out, Sonja turned it into something sexual and Cindy complained. I think we’re going to hear a lot more of “Cindy complained” this season. She is a complainer!
The funniest part of Brad’s party had to be Sonja twisting her hair repeating, “Kelly” over and over again. Then cut to Kelly twisting her hair, it was classic Bravo editing! Sonja was not tipsy, she was drunk, drunk Sonja is funny.
The big finish…the Fortune Teller! Jill has a big heart and she talks too much? I think the fortune-teller mistook the beating in Jill’s chest as a heart when it was actually the sound of the bongo drums from last week still bouncing off the empty walls where her heart should be.
Sonja was told she had a good man who may not have money but not to worry because the money will come. Kell just about jumped up and down telling Sonja that she must be referring to the starving artist, Brian.
Kelly is told that she’ll have three children, let’s hope that doesn’t happen anytime soon. I just can’t see Kelly Bensimon with a little baby, it would be like a 13-year old playing with a dolly. I just hope that whoever she has this 3rd child with has enough money for a nanny.
The cliffhanger has to be Ramona’s reading by the Fortune Teller, Ramona is told something that she can’t understand because it is in French. Kell refuses to repeat it and Ramona thought she was being told that she would have another baby. Finally it is revealed that the Fortune Teller says that there is “another woman” and everyone has the very serious looks and assumes that Mario is cheating on Ramona.
Next week we watch as the ladies all contemplate Mario leaving Ramona after Avery goes off to college. Personally I can’t wait to watch that camel shake Luann to her core and try to drop her right into the sand…fun times!
If you missed my live internet radio broadcast with Carly Hall , we recorded it too so you can listen to it here:
Carly Hall Presents What the Heck REAL HOUSEWIVES of NY 05/26 by Carly Hall | Blog Talk Radio http://t.co/puDE55t
We had some great callers even one from Puerto Rico and Simon VanKempen called in toward the end. I wish we had more time to talk with Simon, hopefully he’ll call in again next Thursday night.
I’ll have my Watch What Happens Live recap tomorrow. Thanks for joining me!
Until Next Time….