I Hate Jill Zarin
Simon VanKempen Webisode by Quincy IL
Lingerie Shopping with Simon
Watch Simon’s Webisode here: http://bit.ly/SimonsWebisodes
Well, it had to happen. This week’s webisode was boring. I am not surprised that Simon knows his way around a lingerie shop or that he would buy panties in bulk. I am not surprised that he supports the small shops near his Brownstone in Brooklyn. I am not surprised that Alex goes au natural for sleep or that she probably has a white thong at home.
So now that the webisode blog is done, let’s get into the good stuff. Let’s compare what Jill Zarin called, “soft porn” or what Kelly Bensimon calls PDA (public displays of affection) that we saw when the women in Ioving, committed relationships returned after a week of living with reality stars in a riad in Marrakesh.
Ramona invited her husband to a hotel, put rose petals on the floor, dressed in a red slip, drank pinot gricio and spent an inordinate amount of time on a couch waiting and wondering where Mario was. Thank goodness, he found her message and followed her trail of bread crumbs to the little red slip in a room with an incredible view. When Mario arrived, Ramona knew how to turn on the heat. She told him that a fortuneteller in Dubai, I mean Morocco, told everyone on the planet Earth that another woman was thinking of him. In a completely unrehearsed, spontaneous moment of synchronous brain waves, Mario said that the only other woman in his life was Avery, their daughter. Has there ever been a greater melding of two minds that we witnessed on that couch?
Ramona has prepared a special oil, no doubt a product from the tanneries found in the souks, and she started to rub her husband’s chest and she admired his pecks. Mario wisely asked Ramona to work on a kink in his shoulder muscle. After watching Ramona rub her husband’s neck and induce pain, we suspect that she has never done this before in her life. Finally, Ramona discovered the secret to a man’s heart, his foot. She slathered oil on his foot and he goes into a trance Mario is a foot man. I would never have guessed that and I am a soothsayer by trade. We don’t get to see what happens next, but we can predict their future.
Alex has returned home and she is hungry. There are no little ones underfoot. Simon lets Alex know that good things are to come in a playful manner. There are hints that this is a couple that actually loves being together. They are young and frisky. Simon gives Alex the items purchased in the lingerie shop. She models the outfits for him and for prospective lingerie designers who might need a model for their runways. Simon and Alex announce that they are coming and they too close the door on us.
Jill loves cloth too. She also loves to shop so when she got home from Marrakesh she went to a custom tailor shop so she could give us a lesson on what looks good on Bobby. Bobby was not allowed to speak, but that isn’t the first time Jill played the role of dominatrix wearing her girdle for support and whipping Bobby into submission.
There were no PDAs for the Countess. The waiter brought the wine for Luann to approve which is odd because Jacques is in the business. They smile and make eyes. It’s Chapter 5 in her book: “Look, but don’t touch.”
Cindy shared that she has no one special and she thinks New Yorkers should look orange in winter before their sex scenes are filmed.
Sonja flirted with a plastic surgeon, but we think there might be something to her comment that she met him on a trampoline and can’t wait for that scene next week. This show just keeps getting better and better.
I have to admit that Ramona’s attempts give me hope. I am going to make dinner, give an old man some pinot grigio, turn on Ramona’s soft porn and hope for the best. Thanks for the idea, Jill Zarin.
Housewives News by LynnNChicago
Bravo has released it’s typical two video previews of next week’s episode. One is gross but is actually pretty cool as it is 50 seconds of Jill Zarin in pain as she gets her “liquid facelift” and is repeatedly stabbed in the face as she squirms and moans in pain. Sweet!
The other is this week’s raving bitch, Luann deLesseps taking her daughter shopping for dresses for her Sweet Sixteen Birthday Party. Every dress that Lulu likes, naturally the pot smoking, vulgar mouthed, racist kid doesn’t like since you certainly can’t wear anything that the rude, vile, ignorant mother likes. Why is Bravo forcing this woman on us? She’s always been the 2nd banana to Jill, her place on the reunion couch has always been on the end, even Kelly got a more premium spot on the couch last season.
Sonja Morgan joined the cast half way through last season and ended the season more popular than Luann, Luann has 61,900 followers on Twitter after four years on television. Sonja has 53,800 after less than a full season on the air. (Jill has 148,000 followers but rumor has it she buys them) Kelly has 79,500 but keep in mind she tweets all day long and people love to make fun of her. Sonja and Luann typically only tweet during the show and if they’re promoting something. In the case of these housewives, Twitter followers aren’t so much about popularity, they’re all about the interesting tweets, controversal tweets and people love when the Housewives make fools of themselves. Jill and Kelly …. no one does it better! The same trend can be seen with the Atlanta Housewives, Nene and Kim have a ton of followers, mostly because people like to see them battle, and they do it frequently. (Alex has 85,600)
Lulu’s blog was just as ignorant as she is:
I felt uncomfortable that “Ramario” and “Silex” decided to share their intimate moments with the viewers. On the other hand, I do think that couples need to make an effort to please each other and keep it sexy — but this is a great example as to why they should do it in private.
Oh grow up you moron! I thought they were sweet! Alex and Simon are YOUNG and enjoy being together, Ramona and Mario are adorable! Jealousy is so ugly Lulu, just because no one would ever want to see you and your feathered haired tooyoungforyou Frenchman in sexy scenes don’t criticize others! Can you imagine how Lulu feels about Tamra’s bathtub scenes? “Daaahlig, never show your bedroom or bathroom on television.”
Lulu drones on…
How many times will Cindy get to ride a camel? Sonja should have thought of that before cropping Cindy out. I think the camel pictures are a great memory for all of us to share.
Why didn’t you take some photos if it was so important to you? You could have made sure only the Brunette’s were taken. Sonja didn’t even get to ride a camel but she should have thought of Cindy’s experience? Cindy managed to ruin half the trip for Sonja with her childish nonsense! I think Cindy has plenty of Bravo FILM of her riding a camel in any case, dumbass! (come to think of it Bravo rarely showed Cindy on a camel either..haha)
More babble from Lulu…
It is always best to avoid discussing a friend’s personal financial matters unless he or she asks you directly for advice. Jill is a sharp businesswoman and I’m sure that she understands more about contracts and financial matters than Sonja, but I wish Jill had let Sonja ask for her advice.
I absolutely love how the blondes stick together but Lulu is always good for a nice dig at anyone, no loyalty whatsoever from this one. If Jill waited to be asked for advice, she’d still be waiting, why would Sonja ever ask Jill Zarin for any kind of advice? Last week Lulu threw a dig at Cindy for her car seat blow up, and before that for the hanger nonsense, now she’s criticizing Jill. I can’t wait until she nails Kelly then it’ll be a Hat trick!
Luann claimed in her blog that Alex should have asked her to speak with her alone after her Henna Tattoo, once again Luann forgets that she’s being filmed and viewers aren’t stupid. Alex DID ask to speak to you alone after your tattoo Lulu! Some of the comments that Bravo approved are pretty good for a change, here are a few:
Please talk less and listen more.
You should take your own advice! You always get in between of Jill and Ramona. And last season you got in between Betheny and Jill. I think you should tone down your Countess attitude.
She did ask you to meet in private and you wanted to talk to her about it in front of Cindy and Kelly. She asked you several times to talk in private.
I guess that we all have different perspectives and vantage points of how things happen blame it on editing. You did not allow Alex to say or explain because you talked over her…. sometimes you need to sit back and listen.
She did ask you to meet with her privately…it was you who said she could say what she wanted to in front of everyone!!!
I usually agree with you because you are a very classy lady. However, tonite’s encounter with Alex, I have to say, wasn’t very classy. She was trying to have a civilized discussion with you about how you treated her, not Ramona. Instead, you shut her down and stooped to name calling. I think you owe her an apology. You really did not handle it very well. Next time, LISTEN to her. She is a good, level-headed person, just like you are. There is no need to treat her like she is an idiot.
LuAnn, I find you to be a pretty classy lady, however, you need to practice what you preach! Yes, Alex shouldn’t have come flying down the steps like a bat outta hell, but she was defending her friend, Ramona. You of all people are too familiar with meddling in the middle. For example, Jill and Bethenny fight, and now Ramona and Jill. You even went as far as having Ramona out to lunch, to ensure that Ramona would make things right w/Jill prior to the Morocco trip. Messenger yourself, maybe? Tonight’s showdown with Alex and yourself was too frustrating bc you wouldn’t let Alex get a word in. You kept talking over her, and it was annoying. Alex has trouble spitting out her words, and everybody knows that, but you needed to “lose your voice, and zip it”
I don’t know what this viewer was watching or who she was writing to but it’s pretty darn funny:
Luann, I am so happy the other girls are gentle with you. I bet that in time you will feel better about yourself. You have potential. Please stop comparing yourself to others. You are enough just the way you are. When you get nervous, try to calm down without running away. In time you will have more confidence. In the meantime, try to learn from the other girls. They genuinely want to help you realize your potential.
How is reprimanding Ramona for “causing problems” a way of showing your support?
I appreciate that you know and follow form.
To be fair Alex did ask to speak with you after henna. .
Even the dopey Luann fans can see that she was wrong and that Alex did, in fact, ask her to speak in private after she was finished getting her tattoo. Off with your Head Lulu!!!
What did all of you guys think of the soft porn? Did you like the scenes with Alex and Simon, and Ramona and Mario? And why did Simon’s present to Alex come in messenger garment bag (that’s how fashion PR folks send clothes back and forth to borrow for photo shoots) and not a paper bag with a label? I’ve never been a big fan of PDA, even when its filmed for television. I love holding hands with my cutie, whom I adore and giving a little nuzzle in the back of a taxi, but wearing lingerie on TV isn’t my style. To each his own.
Kel Kel must have gotten the “soft porn” description from her good friend Jill. Kelly is questioning the packaging that Simon’s gift came in? I am fairly sure that the VanKempens own a black garment bag, hell I own a black garment bag, half the country owns a black garment bag. What the hell is Kelly trying to say? Who puts clothes in a paper bag with a label on it? What the hell is this woman talking about? I don’t pretend to speak for Simon but I would guess he was “HIDING” the outfits he purchased for his wife in the garment bag. DUH KELLY!
Kelly went on to talk about Sonja and even asked viewers to give Sonja advice. I think Sonja has plenty of advice, she doesn’t need Kelly recruiting viewers to give their two cents. The last thing Sonja Morgan needs is help from Kelly Bensimon or Jill Zarin!
Cindy Barshop is proving to be a hateful, spiteful, ignorant and clearly jealous bitch! Her blog is so horrible I refuse to post any of it! Let’s just say she called the YOUNGER and HOTTER couples on the show “granny porn”. Your ugly old ass should know about granny porn Cindy! This woman is so jealous of the loving couples on the show, it’s sad really. Cindy chose to have children in a rocky relationship that ended soon after she gave birth and I think she’s surrounded by only paid employees and she’s lonely. Instead of admitting it like Sonja, she lashes out at the happy couples.
Speaking of experts I love when Jill says “When you add on your assets of $12 million and you add on that liability of $7 million, that’s where the $19 million comes from. I think that’s where they got it.” Well Jill, I do know when you take seven from 12 its not 19, it’s five. These are the kinds of experts and friends that got me in this mess! Of course my lawyers tell me later that I had to list my ex-husbands mortgages as well, because we haven’t settled our divorce. Things aren’t how they may appear. That’s why one needs the right “experts.”
Ramona’s blog was short and sweet, she had the same opinion of Luann as the rest of us did…
I was flabbergasted by LuAnn and Alex’s lunch together. I could not believe how condescending, pompous, and dismissive LuAnn was toward Alex. LuAnn obviously lost her rule book of manners somewhere along the way.
Alex’s blog, as always, is brilliant! She gives her opinions and witty digs and I love them all! There’s no point in posting just snippets here, you really should read the whole thing:
There’s a bit of a blogging war going on over at Bravotv.com. Jill Zarin refuses to post her blog until all the others have posted their’s first. She wants hers to be on top and she wants to be able to read all of the others so she can get her digs into the Blondes. It is petty and childish but I expect nothing less of Jill Zarin.
Jill is completely unable to write a blog without half of it being an advertisement for her crap! Her book, her underwear, her husband’s fabric store, and of course her newsletter which is full of ads for her book, her underwear, her husband’s fabric store….omg enough!!! She has really gotten out of hand, it is all she talks about!
Jill talks about how Luann and Alex’s argument went, of course she sides with Lulu, Jill’s another NY Housewife who forgets that everything is being filmed and it’s all shown to viewers.
Worst of all Jilzy continues to believe that viewers are stupid. Jill was trying to help Sonja? By adding together assets and debts? That number means nothing Jill, you moron! Most people know that you would subtract your assets from your debts, you can even subtract your debts from your assets but you never add them together…even lawyers know that.
Jill is DESPERATE for people to sign up for her Newsletter, she is even having a contest where you can win one of her husband Bobby’s ties and a photo of the two of them together but you “MUST” sign up for her newsletter to be eligible to enter. Pathetic desperation! If you are currently on Jill’s mailing list, according to her you are one of 55,000 people, where is that “unsubscribe” button?
If you’ve just eaten, you may want to skip this part, it could be vomit-inducing… Jill said:
Parts of the episode, I still maintain were like soft porn. I consider myself an aficionado on romance and could write a book with suggestions on how to seduce your man — but some things are just better left to your imagination.
Jill considers what we saw on the show “soft porn”? Ramona gave Mario a massage, mostly his feet and Alex tried on some lingerie, she was more covered up than those OC housewives in bathing suits. Both couples were having fun and enjoying being together. I think Jill is jealous because her reunion with Bobby was so sad, mostly for Bobby! Did Bobby even need to be there to pick out a suit for himself? Watching this woman dominate her husband is not sexy or cute or anything close to amusing, Bobby never looks happy! Poor guy! Jill must give good BJ’s. ewwwww
Jill is an “aficionado on romance”? This is the woman who gives BJ’s for diamonds and treats Bobby like a slave boy, doesn’t allow him to speak and announced that she married him for his money. (Never settle “for a poor guy”, make sure he loves you more than you love him and pour your drink on your food) Sorry I had to add that last one, it’s just so stupid! Only Vicki Gunvalson treats her husband worse than Jill Zarin treats Bobby!
I hope she does try to write a book on seducing a man, she’ll be laughed out of her publishers office! If there is one thing Jill Zarin is NOT, it’s a sexy seductress! Jill encourages people to email her with advice questions. Great idea! She can add your assets and debts together to come up with your net worth! Then she’ll tell you to give your guy a BJ to get diamond earrings or a great new watch! Better yet, she’ll tell you to marry a guy you can’t stand as long as he has money and don’t forget to dump your wine on your french fries… augh! I hate Jill Zarin!
Simon tweeted during the show, this had to be the best of the night:
More of Simon’s tweets:
@SimonVanKempen: The #WWHL poll spoke for 75% of the viewers. LuAnn lost hands down. I also fail to see how a public figure in their 40’s gets so aggrieved by tweets.
I thought about that too, I really don’t understand why they had two “other” Bravo cast members on after The Real Housewives of New York rather than Alex who could have really gotten into the show and answer some of the questions viewers had for Alex. We did have to tolerate sitting through Lulu last week, why not do something for the fans this time and put Alex on!?!?! Comeon Cohen, time to listen to the viewers! Alex took 75% of the vote on WWHL, Andy skimmed over that but he can’t ignore viewers forever!
SonjatMorgan This morning I’m just reading all your tweets and feeling the positive energy. Love the support you guys threw my way last night. I’m lucky.
Alex and Simon have new jobs….They’re both great writers, it was only a matter of time.
As I’ve mentioned a few times, there is a great campaign to get Cat Ommanney onto The Real Housewives of New York. Cat posted on her Facebook a tidbit about her former cast mate Michaele Salahi:
The Salahi’s will never change, they’re thugs and losers! I hope they contact the police and press charges against her for non payment of a service.
I hope you’ll all join me in sending Andy your messages asking him to add Cat to the cast of The Real Housewives of New York, I think she’d make a perfect addition to the cast. Love her or hate her, you can’t deny she would stir things up a lot!
The Real Housewives of New York are filming their reunion on June 22 and Andy’s asking for questions….you can post on his Facebook (Andy Cohen) or Tweet him @BravoAndy or email him at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Bethenny announced Baby Bryn is talking! I can’t wait to see how she’s grown and changed next season on Bethenny Ever After! What a lovely family!
Exclusive: Bethenny Frankel’s baby Bryn is talking! http://t.co/4TUqZNF
Don’t forget to check out some great blogs:
Real City Housewife: http://www.realitycrackhouse.com/
Carly Hall and I dissed on the Real Housewives of New York after the show, if you missed it you can still listen here:
“Carly Hall Presents REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK …with .Lynn Hudson..” by Carly Hall on #BlogTalkRadio http://t.co/x5ko5c4
Happy Father’s Day to all you dad’s out there!
Until Next Time…